I can now reveal to all the secret surrounding the mysterious Suri Cruise.......
But first some background information.
For one thing everyone knows that Tom Cruise is gay AND sperm-free.
The guy is SO waaaaay past metro....
Yet for some reason he is completely insecure about this fact - as evidenced by his total lack of a sense of humor.
So he went off and got himself a nice little hagbag to tote around on his arm which everyone knows is a worse sham than Zellweger/Chesney.
The ONLY thing they have in common is their chiclet teeth - notice that they always line them up in photos. F*cked UP!
SO I think that Katie, sorry, KATE, went off and bonked either Cuba Gooding (Tom's co-star in Jerry Maguire) or Jamie Foxx (co-star in Collateral). Because who wouldn't??
And whoopsie-daisy KatieKate found herself up the proverbial pole.
And since Tom, without a bit of humor in him, made a complete tit over her all OVER the place, had to suck it up buttercup. Who would ever forget the couch humping Oprah episode? See even you remember it. Riiiiiiiight.....
And then nine months later out pops baby Suri, but oops she's black!
Now everyone will know for sure that Big Gay Tom IS sterile.
WELCOME BABY SURI!!!!