Sunday, April 26, 2009

And the crowd goes wild.....

Yesterday I am putt-putt-puttering around in my backyard, illuminating all around me with the pale glow of fish-belly whiteness when I hear a pretty decent "whrrrrroooooooooaaarrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh".

Mind you I live near two ballparks: Fenway Pahk and Fenway Pahk Junior (aka Jim Rice Field). I quite honestly thought that the "whrrrrroooooooooaaarrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhh" was coming from Fenway Pahk Jr.

Yep, I thought THAT kind of noise was coming from a Little League game. Is it even Little League season? Anyway, that is the noise of a sh*tload of Sawx fans going nuts and I could hear it from over here.

I swear to spirit that this year I am going to learn to understand baseball. Which might in turn get me to like baseball. I have gone to two games in my life - once when I was 17 with my Dad to watch the Sox lose to the Milwaukee Brewers, and once with friend where I promptly got tanked and still have very little recollection of the game. It could have been rained out for all I know.

But I sort of feel like having some working knowledge of baseball would be a good thing. It would give me something to talk about with 87% of the Boston population from April to October, possibly through November.

Wait, what does the infield fly rule mean again? Oh yeah, this is going to be a LONG summer.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Adventures in tailoring

I went and dropped off two pairs of pants to be hemmed and one skirt that needed a zipper replaced.

Sounds pretty routine right? Hahahah! Have we met? Nothing in my life is ever routine.

Let me tell you about going to the tailor.

So my dear friend T-ster calls me up and says:
"heywhachoodoinletsgetdinneranddoyouhaveanythingyouneedtogettailored?becauseIamgoingtoseethiswomanwhoisatailorandIgother namefromafriendandsheisreallygoodandcheap.seeyouinhalfanhour."

T-ster runs about 17 times faster than the normal human being, so that is how most of our conversations typically run. And usually I don't get the whole story over the phone, so I wasn't too sure of exactly what we were going to really be doing or where exactly we were going, but I knew enough to get my clothes together that needed hemming or mending, and I knew we were going to eat something.

Which frankly is all I needed to know really and half an hour later we were off.

Turns out that T-ster found out about this tailor from the friend of a friend. We were directed to a three decker on a side street outside of Uphams Corner. The front door was propped open and the doorbell, hard to find, was marked with about fourteen names. T-ster skipped all those formalities and, as instructed by the friend of his friend, went straight to a third floor apartment where a very friendly Vietnamese woman sorted out our various tailoring needs.

I swear to infinite spirit that I felt like I was going on a drug buy. It had the same elements of uncertainty and thrill. I mean really, who wouldn't want to find a really great, inexpensive, tailor?

Oh yeah, she spoke only Vietnamese, so T-ster did all the talking. Hopefully he didn't tell her to take my pants all the way up, because I look like a bozo in high-waders. All I know is that for twelve bucks I am getting all my tailoring needs taken care of.

Then we went for dinner at Pho So 1 in Fields Corner. I highly recommend the grilled shrimp with steamed rice and the fresh nem spring rolls. I would also like to give a special mention (shoutout? I guess that's what the kids call it these days...) to the two women working at Pho So 1. One woman in particular is probably the friendliest, pleasantest person in food service. Always laughing about something and totally enthusiastic about everything whenever I see her - that sort of thing is infectious, and I left feeling positively light hearted.

All around a pretty good night.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Another year, another chance to NOT run the marathon.

OMFG I will never get the marathoner mentality.

Never, never, never. Ropey looking people in too short, too flimsy shorts wandering around the old town of the Bean with triangular swag bags, three days of race coverage on the nightly news, and those people who plan marathon watching parties.

Let me state again for the record: I WILL NEVER RUN A MARATHON.

This may also have something to do with seeing people piss and poop themselves rather than add minutes to their time.

I know a person who told me he runs the marathon every year. He doesn't train or anything. He doesn't even wear appropriate running clothes, he just goes and runs it. Apparently it takes him between 5 - 6 hours to finish and then he just walks home after. At first I thought he was bullcrapping me, but he has the photos and also his wife told me the same thing. He doesn't even bother getting a number. Ugh. I can't even run to the bus without wanting to vomit.

And believe me, I've tried to learn to love running, but you know what? Some people are just not the runner type. Whenever I try running I am almost immediately out of breath, my shins spontaneously combust, and I have the urge to punch someone in the nose. So probably it is better for everyone in general that I stay far away from the whole runner business.

Oh and PS: a Kenyan will win the marathon. Just in case you didn't already know.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Hey! You look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?

There are lots of reasons I have fallen on my face with this blog, but it's slowly coming back to me. Here is a list of a few of those reasons, and thank you for your patience.

1. This winter has been too long. That is the last time I will say it. Unless of course we get one.more.snowstorm. at which point I am moving to Key West.

2. I went to France and it was amazing. I want to go back. Oh and I was jetlagged for a WEEK! Encroyable! I've never had jetlag like that before.

3. Last week a defendant was up for probation surrender and rather than take his chances with the judge he bolted from the courtroom and jumped from the second floor landing to the first floor, at least a 15 foot drop. Suffice it to say there was a law-enforcement pigpile on him and boy was he ever pissed.

4. That same day a different guy came into the court with his cellphone and when the guard said "No cellphones" the guy ran INTO the courthouse bathroom. Dumb. Another pigpile on that guy. And watching them try to get him out of the elevator and over to lockup was like watching a couple of lobsters wrestle an octopus. That guy was all over the place. I really think he had eight limbs rather than the standard four.

5. I went out into my back yard to see what was starting to come up (mint, frickin' EVERYWHERE) and I found a dead parakeet. Boo :^(

6. Did I mention the jetlag?

7. A coworker was startled to find another coworkers condom in a desk drawer. Not a private locked desk drawer mind you, a desk drawer that usually contains more run of the mill office supplies. No, it wasn't used, and yes, she gave it back to him. And now I privately refer to him as the Condommint

8. I had to print up a sign for the ladies room to ask that people flush twice when they go poop. True story: I once went into a stall and there at the bottom of the bowl was a little turd with a nut in the center, like an eyeball staring up at me. Funny and freaky. I haven't used that stall since. If it's brown, flush it down - TWICE!

9. It would seem that I am now on the worlds most expensive baby stopper that is not covered by insurance. I told my mother that for that price they should give me a gift certificate for a gigolo. She thought it was a riot and I am still sort of weirded out that I told my mom that. Whoops! It's official. Now everyone knows I am not getting any. *sigh*

10. I've been working and working so by the time I get home, I's tired and want to go to bed. And being tired sort of sucks the fun right out of me.

So there you are. But I will be back. I can just feel it.