Thursday, February 24, 2011

Anyone else watch 'Modern Family'?

Because that show is f*cking FUNNY.

I nearly choked when Claire's dad said to her, after this incident at the mall,

"You know, when you get a massage you sound like a Tijuana prostitute."

HA! Ahahahahahaahahah!

If you haven't seen this particular episode, you should. You really should.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Just tell me the letters.

I realize that in the pantheon of annoyances, this is probably one of the lesser irritants, however it makes me bananas when someone spells out their name thusly:
"'S' as in Sam, 'H' as in hello, 'A' as in apple, 'M' as in marshmallow, 'R' as in rutabaga, 'A' as in apricot, 'G' as in garbage pail".
That totally flummoxes me as the listener. And when I ask for the letters only please, my request seems to then flummox the speller-outer.

I mean, I get it about how 't' and 'c' can be confused, or 't', 'c', and 'd'. But really, if you feel obligated to say "geeeee as in gasoline" it just sound complicated.

Ok. I am done.

For now.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Not to put Elmo out of a job or anything....

I love Facebook. I am nosy (oh so he went to Vegas with her?) and petty (yep, that mean girl from HS got FAT!) and self-centered (someone un-friended me? what the f*ck? F*ck you anyway!) and I find that FB is often an outlet for the mostly unspoken vulgarities that I prefer to think don't exist in my delicate psyche. We surf, we judge, we hope people notice our status updates.

And now, annoyingly, Facebook is used as a "tool for social change". Don't get me wrong, it's great to have a portal to a world where you can probably connect with people who make you feel less on your own, who can provide an alternate view of life which might be helpful when you live somewhere without a lot of freedom.

I just get annoyed by the appeals to be a "good citizen", namely to "Save Public Television". Currently the US budget is being pruned by the newly elected, wielding flamethrowers. It's not a fun debate to get into, but it does make a person think. Or take the easy way out and "Like" a cause that all your friends "Like" and thereby absolving yourself of any real effort. Click, click, done!

At first glance I was all about keeping funding for public television. I love, love, LOVE public television. However when I stopped to think about it, and read up about it, I realized that I am not entirely against cutting funding for public television. Public television doesn't stay on the air because of government funding, and it won't go off the air without it. It just means that the appeals season will run even longer and people will have to step up to the plate and donate a little more. Like me.

If I want to enjoy the programming, I am just going to have to start paying for it, like everything else in life. As I said, television is a luxury. You don't need Elmo to entertain your kids, you need a book and a smidgen of imagination.

And though I am a fan of NASCAR, I cannot understand why they are keeping the funding for the Army car. That is also a luxury. I am sure there is a missile maker or a helmet manufacturer who would gladly pay to sponsor the Army car.

Cut those funds and give them to Planned Parenthood. FYI Planned Parenthood isn't just an abortion factory as some might want to think. It's a resource for family planning - PLANNING! People plan trips, dates, directions, meals, weddings, parties, all kinds of things, so it seems a bit ridiculous to not have some sort of plan to have a family or not.

I tell you what, everyone who uses birth control or some other form of baby-stopper (or anyone who has sex with someone while using some form of protection either against babies OR disease) ought to give up sex for a month in protest.

Ok, fine, a week.

A day?

I guarantee you that all those folks who are so afraid of Planned Parenthood would quickly change their tune.

Hmmm, let me go put THAT on FB.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

For Sale: One giant heap o'metal.

I am getting  rid of the Champagne Supernova.

Last fall it died on me and I figured I could fix it myself. I am all about looking sh*t up online for answers to stuff like: Why won't my car start? What is that thing growing on my lip? Who was that guy in that movie?

Seriously, Google is the answer (and then some) to all my questions.

Well anyway, according to the internet, the problem with my car was that it need a new fuel pump relay. So I felt around inside the car near where the 'net told me it was and yanked out what I thought was said relay.

In retrospect I am beginning to think that what I actually extracted was the overdrive relay.

Whoops.Oh well. Glad I am not a doctor or a dentist!

And now I am just bored of playing at GoogleMechanic and even more annoyed at having to pay excise tax, registration fees, insurance, and eventually for another inspection sticker, which probably would have taken another cash outlay to get it to even pass. And now I just want it gone.

So I put the car for sale on Craigslist, which basically read: Car for Sale, doesn't run, won't even turn over - don't know why, I am not a mechanic, good for parts - especially the brand new bumper, not too rusty, new tires and e-brake. $500 or best offer.

I figured I would leave it up for a week, and then if nothing happened I would donate it. 

Rather than offers I got about a million questions: does it leak fluids, how much rust does it have, how many miles since the last oil chance, how many owners, where was it manufactured, can you post a picture of the undercarriage, do you smoke, is it pet-free?

You get the idea.

I realize that it's just people being curious, but honestly it's a cheap-ass car that needs work and a tow. And I find it highly amusing that a few people will email me more than once, indignant that I haven't responded to their request for a photo of the tailpipe, or with the name of my mechanic, or some other random question.

Oh, hello, it's Craigslist. Not PoliteandConsideratelist.

And it's not just me. Potential buyers have been promising to come by since Thursday and not one has shown up as agreed. That's just how these things work. I have one last potential buyer coming Monday and if they don't show up, I am giving it to WGBH.

So there.