Saturday, December 17, 2005

Way to go 55 and 28 and 50 and 12 and....

Ok - I am thinking about starting up an entirely different blog for all things Patriots.

But until then, WHOO HOOO!

For the fourth time in five years the Patriots are the AFC Champs.

And before anyone says that football is not a real game, ask Chris Simms how it feels to be crushed six times, mostly by a 270lb (~19st.) linebacker named Willie McGinest.

Or how it feels to have had a stroke back in February 2005, and still be in the game like Tedy Bruschi.

Yeah, there is nothing like your team winning.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

That's my boy(s)

I am a Pats fan.

Ever since '86 when Buckner let the ball roll, I've been a Pats fan.

Everyone is telling me that the Pats are having a bad season, but that is crap.

I don't care if they go to the Superbowl or not. They beat the Bills 37-5 this afternoon.
At Buffalo. In the snow.


And no, I am not just a Mrs. Brady.
Steve Grogan was another great Patriots QB, but um he was like before my time.

Like I said: GO PATS!
Make Momma proud.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

We are definitely going to be hanging by our own petard!

Last night I had the unfortunate experience of having to drive my dearest friend to the airport right after a storm dumped a heap of crap on the city of Boston which ended right smack at rush friggin' hour.

It took approximately one hour and fifteen minutes to get TO the airport. From my house to the airport is about 5.5 miles, it should take oh, about ten minutes to get there.

The trip back (another hour) was worse, but only because I discovered at a critical moment that my severe lack of gas would probably prevent my safe return. Grr, airport ga$, grrrrrrr.


So as I was stuck on a thick sheet of ice, known as 93 South, I thought - thank gad this isn't an emergency evacuation!

Then I wondered, what the hell IS the evacuation plan for Boston anyway? I know that my family has a plan and that is to drive about a 140 miles north of Boston (which according to my bad math would take about three days of straight driving - figure 140 miles at about 2 miles per hour equals about 70 hours which if you drive round the clock ends up being about 3 days, I think).

According to the Boston Globe, my source for all things Menino, the Mayah has a plan to evacuate the city, one that "would get residents to safety in a catastrophe".

To that I say: BULLSH*T MISTAH MAYAH!!!!!!

First off, I didn't plan on driving to the airport. But when I tried to get a cab, there was not one single cab available in the entire city of Boston.

Then there was gridlock like you wouldn't believe. But that is because it is jokingly easy to get your license in the state of Massachusetts, and because there is ZERO traffic enforcement so people think it is totally normal to drive like a bunch of bozos.

Back to the Plan. The Plan calls for the following:

First off a "system of automated phone calls, bus evacuations and emergency shelters... designed to evacuate the city within hours." HA! Just try calling 1-800-23-Logan in an emergency. I think that the Massport budget calls for having approximately one employee manning the calls when the airport shuts down. And I think that they share that one employee with Aer Lingus.

Part of this plan is to figure out how to direct the bozos who will be driving out of the city in their Escalanches like demented Big Lot bargain shoppers.

"City workers have already begun installing 400 signs along evacuation routes to direct motorists to safety and brochures were being mailed to Boston's 280,000 households." Who the hell reads mail from the city? More Mumbles Menino crap telling homeowners what to do and when to do it? Yeah, riiiiiight, whateverrrrr....

And another thing, it's all well and good to tell us Bostonians what to do, but unless we evacuate East in a boat, we're gonna have to go through a heap of towns to the North, South, and West. I am pretty sure that Cambridge has their own wacky plan, and it probably involved closing all bridges over the Charles to keep the dirty hordes from overrunning Hahvad Yahd. I suspect that the plan for Snooty Newty involved barricading the exits off the Pike. Maybe the evacuation plan should be a state issued thing...

"Seventy-four schools and community centers would serve as emergency shelters for those who stay behind, and would double as staging centers for the busing of residents with no other means of transportation." Hopefully all the elderly and cripples have vehicles to get to the shelters, because good luck getting a cab!

"Police officers, tow trucks and gasoline tankers would be positioned along evacuation routes to keep traffic moving and avoid the gridlock that crippled the Houston area as Hurricane Rita bore down in September." Um yeah, this is retarded. If you've been to Houston you know that the highway system there is about 14 lanes in both directions. Here it averages at about 3 lanes. And our roadway engineers are so clever that they are now making it so that all the highway on ramps enter directly into a lane of traffic rather than into a merge lane. If you've ever tried to get on at Mass Ave since they re-did it, you know the kind of clusterfu*k I'm talking about.

"Residents would be notified of an evacuation by telephone using a new automated system designed to call up to 60,000 households per hour." And how are they going to know that the person they are calling speaks English, or who would understand to stay on the line for translation. Furthermore, I usually hang up on calls that start with dead air because only bill collectors and telemarketers start their calls with dead air.

"Menino had released a different evacuation plan earlier this year, but it was criticized as inadequate by his opponent in the November election, City Councilor Maura Hennigan. City police, fire, health and transportation officials were involved in the drafting of the new plan, which Menino said is subject to revision." Ahhhhh yes, it's true, like so much else Menino does, it was criticized. But thankfully this new plan involved people OTHER than the mayah.

"This is not a panacea," Menino said. "It's a plan we believe makes a lot of sense. The experts have looked at it and analyzed it and are satisfied this plan works."I've stated before that Boston is run by a bunch of retahds, so I am confident that the plan makes no sense whatsoever, and that it will not work. I am also positive that the Mayah would never use the word "panacea", because A) he could never pronounce it, and B) he doesn't know what it means.


Monday, December 05, 2005

Way to Score Darkie!

You may all remember my dear friend Lucky Hurley, Smubble Champ Extraordinaire.

It seems that she's up the pole thanks to Darkie O'Meara!

Way to go Darkie!

Baby Calamity Shazzaam is now about as big as a pickle:

Friday, December 02, 2005

Item No. 654 on the list of Things That Are Annoying

Listen up Hollywood-fancy-pants-marketing people.

Do not advertise movies in November that aren't coming out until the end of December.

The masses are easily confused. If we see forty two thousand trailers four months in advance, by the time the movie actually is released we sort of think that we saw it all ready.

Or we are sick to DEATH of the trailers and aren't going to see it just out of spite.

Besides, don't they know that we are an instant gratification society.

Just last night I saw an ad for a movie that looked kind of good, it put me in the mood to go to the movies, but then it turns out the movie isn't even coming out until December 23rd.

Probably December 2006 anyway.

And by then I won't be in the mood to go the movies anyway.



PS: It is equally annoying to watch movie trailers at the movies in December that advertise blockbusters due out in the summer. Dumb! Annoying!