This joke is courtesy of my bud Daphne.
Have fun in Florida b*tch!
I used to have a Labrador retriever and I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because the last time I did it I'd ended up in the hospital awakening in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices, IVs in both arms, a terrible headache and having lost 50 pounds.
I then proceeded to tell her that it was however a perfect diet. That the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. Since the food is nutritionally complete, I was going to try it again.
--- I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story. ---
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned.
I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.