In case you were wondering why there hasn't been a post in four days, it's because I've been away.
At a party called Hess Fest, hosted by Mad Mahk on Maaatha's Vineyahd.
Until the alcohol induced swelling in my cranium goes down, here is the condensed version:
1. I saw my 8th grade English teacher, Mr. Palmer, at the liquor store. I haven't seen him since 8th grade. It was a unique moment really.
2. A baby keg (a keglette really) is called a "gurkle" which is short for "gurkleheimer".
3. Even though it is September, you should still apply SPF liberally when hanging out at the beach.
4. Clamming is really much easier in a bathing suit. Yeah Maaaahk I should have listened to you! But still it was a blast.
5. It's fun to temporarily tattoo little kids with skull and crossed bats logos. No one messes with them at the beach and I am pretty sure no one will be f*cking with them at daycare either.
6. Everyone likes a pirate. Aaaaaaaaahhhhrrrrrrrgggggggg!!!!!!!!!!
7. Drinking beer by lying on a table and having someone hold a beer keg tap open above your mouth seems like good idea for the first 10 seconds or so.
8. Setting up the slip n' slide on the front porch at night is a great way to meet the Oak Bluffs police.
9. Chatting up the nice policewoman while stroking your hairy, sudsy, chest is a great way to get rid of the Oak Bluffs police.
10. A smaller funnel works better than a bigger funnel when constructing a funnelator to launch corn cobs into the trees.
11. When playing Beano, a little more loft and a little less forward is crucial to landing on the board.
12. Next year I absolutely cannot forget the potato gun.
And for those of you who know where a pearl comes from, I will see you on the back porch of the Big House next year. Bring your own hook b*tches!