Vrroom, vrroom, vrroom - I like fast cars.

I want one.

Don't get me wrong, I love the Satan's Chariot that I currently drive.

It's just that sometimes I would like to have a lovely smooth ride in a car that goes faster than 45mph without shaking like a bowl full of jelly.

Sssshhh no one tell Homeland Security....

Today was a typically beautiful New England fall day so after work I went over to Castle Island in Southie because well it's a great place to be.

Anyway one great thing about Castle Island is the fact that on some days the airplanes fly in super low and you feel like you could almost grab onto the wheels as they zoom by.

I get a little mesmerized watching the planes vroom overhead. And so I started taking some pictures and made a couple of videos because I am like that.

Until a very nice man told me that probably I was going to be arrested by Homeland Security for being a terrorist.

Whoops.

Anyway, I did post some pictures of Boston for your viewing pleasure.
No planes though, I'm no criminal thanks!

Click on this link to see the photos

From Boston is a Q...

More fun when you know what to click on.

Ok, so someone I know and love asked me "why do you underline certain words?"

Oh.

Well next time you see an underlined word, CLICK on it.
You never know what you might get...

Behold the magic!!!

Everything tastes better with Fluff

If all my clients cancel on me tomorrow I am going to the Marshmallow Fluff Festival in Union Square.

According to Cheap Thrill Rob:

"3:00 to 7:00 pm
What the Fluff? A Tribute to Union Square Invention
at Union Square Plaza, Somerville
FREE

This year State Senator Jarrett Barrios of Cambridge freaked out when his 3rd-grader son was served a fluffernutter sandwich, and he thought about introducing legislation against serving it in school cafeterias. Now we have a day to celebrate that marshmallow goo that was invented in Union Square about 90 years ago.

From Fluff cooking contest to Fluff science fair to to an art exhibit to bands who will each perform a song about it, there will be a lot of fluff but with some substance. There will even be prizes for best recipes and science displays.

The entertainment will be provided by Los Diablos, The Patrons, and Paddy Saul. Thru the Keyhole Burlesque will make you feel hot and sticky in between bands as The Flufferettes and serve Fluff-based treats to the crowd.

If you're up to it, there's a Fluff-inspired art exhibit inside the Somerville Community Access TV building next door. Various local restaurants have added Fluff dishes and drinks to their offerings. If you like rumtastic sweet drinks that look like a toilet bowl, I tried (just a sip!) the 'Coney Island Men's Room' at The Independent.

Raindate: SUN 10/1


http://www.coffeestainmusic.com/news.html
http://www.myspace.com/thepatrons
http://www.paddysaul.com/
http://www.thruthekeyhole.com/
http://www.marshmallowfluff.com/pages/history1.html
http://www.somervilleartscouncil.org/
http://www.unionsquaremain.org "

The morning after.

How come when you go out for a few civilized drinks with friends it is always the last drink that is the one that becomes the one you shouldn't have had?

Last night I went out for one glass of wine with some friends and first off the wine was f*cking FAB.

And then I was thinking well the first one went down so easy peasey that I figured why not get one more little one. A pretty light white from Provence - so harmless.

And since we had a little plate of antipasto to with it, how could we refuse a lovely little glass of red dessert wine with a bit of Prosecco to finish off the night.

Little pink devil really.
Woke up this morning thinking I should have had more to drink considering how crap I felt.

Craigslist Free Stuff Round Up

This week is turning into a real round up week and I don't know why.

But anyway, here are a few free things posted on Craigslist that might be of interest to some of you out there.

Item 1: a 1972 motor home, it's a classic! It's an summer home on wheels really. Although if you look at the pictures it appears that a tree is growing out of the front bumper. You know that you secretly want it. Those orange stripes call your name don't they.

Item 2: A wodden boat. I am going to presume that they really meant "wooden" boat, but then I know nothing about boats. If you want it, call dad, he's not going to give it to just anyone mind you - it's a "peice of woodwork art that is being lost".

Item 3: A plate. Yep folks that's right - one single plate for free. And it's out in Lexington. Go for it.

Item 4: A make out couch. Seriously, who didn't make out on a couch just like this in some party basement when they were a teenager. Yeah, right.

So now go forth and get free sh*t. And don't say I never give you anything.

Clay Aiken needs to wash his face

Check out the lovely pictures of Clay Aiken on PopSugar.com and tell me that he is not the gayest looking non-gay person you've seen in a while.

Seriously, he needs to stop saying he is not gay.

He needs to look a lot more like Tom Cruise for people to believe him when he says he's not.

He's wearing eyeliner for crying out loud!

Technology: It's a Miracle Really

Ok since no one leaves me comments, you can all now email me directly! Click on the profile link on the right and you will see a link to email me.

Do it ok.

Donkey Derby: A Stupid People Round-Up

Item 1: If you are stupid to begin with, smoking pot will only make you more so.

Like poor dumb Daniel Paul Steinbach. He got high, then went out into the street and flagged down the po-po. Waved them on over and asked to be taken to a house on a hill. The police gave him the benefit of the doubt and asked him if he was on medication, to which he said no, he'd been smoking marijuana.

Only people who are high will seek out the police and say dumb sh*t like that.

Item 2: Gay toddler buys pink Nissan

That just so speaks for itself. And I will only add that I do think that Mommy has some 'splaining to do.

Item 3: PETA vs. Six Flags vs. Hissing Cockroaches

There are three donkeys in this situation.

One is PETA, which we all know really stands for People Eating Tasty Animals.

Two is Six Flags for having the worst ad campaigns ever - cockroach eating? Really? And who remembers that weird bald/glasses pervert in a suit who was the spokesman for while? Ick!

And three is any one who eats a cockroach to get into an amusement park for free.

Item 4: Man with Hatchet vs. Alligator.... In MICHIGAN

Who puts a hatchet into the head of an alligator? Apparently crazy people do. This fellow was given an alligator to look after and decided to slay the beast instead of taking it with him when he moved.

I was pretty moved by this article, because that's an awful thing to do to an alligator. But I was struck by one thing, one glaring thing: what they hell was an alligator doing in friggin' MICHIGAN.

You win some, you lose some, but since 2002 you don't lose back-to-back.

GO PATS.

This weekend sees them in Cincinnati.

I am on the fence about this game. Of the past five regular season games versus the Bengals, the Pats have only lost one (2001 season opener at Cincy).

But then again something seems off about the team this year, a little post-Branch wobble or something. And while they haven't lost two games in a row since December '02, they are playing at the Bengals, not in Foxboro where the home team fans are outta control.

I am going to be watching this game like I watch slasher flicks: on mute with my hands over my eyes.

How I know this is an allergy and not a cold.

I know I am not sick, this is an allergy.

How do I know?

Well all I want is a bottle of Bailey's and I can't stop singing Bay City Rollers.

S-A-T-U-R--D-A-Y NIGHT!

If I was just sick I would be in bed saying "f************ck you!!!!!!!!!"

Why YOUR vote counts - even if it's JUST a primary.

Because when you don't vote, people like Dianne Wilkerson end up on the ballot!!! W.T.F. people - take responsibility - VOTE!

Or in this case, STICKER!

Dianne Wilkerson started off fine, but like so many before her got sucked into the wormhole of Boston politics. She and her kids and their friends are one lottery fixing incident away from becoming the next Bulger clan.

Check out her campaign finance report online, it's interesting.

- Within eight months she reimbursed herself $28,200.

- Within SIX months she paid her son Kendall Wayne $19,620 ($3,270 per month) for consultant fees and reimbursed him $1745 for stamps and stuff. Even though she later had to buy $1361.88 MORE stamps from the US Post Office.

- Within three months she paid One United Bank $611 in "Uncollected Funds Charge" fees. Although $430 of that are "Insufficient Funds" fees to Comcast.

She's had campaign reimbursement issues in the past so it's not a random pick on Dianne event. It just makes me nuts when someone is so ethically challenged and takes her election for granted. The public she is supposed to work for needs someone who won't see them as low hanging fruit.

So if you don't vote in November you will get a kick in the ass from me personally.

Pick your own apples suckah!

I have to laugh.

Every single year I buy the most expensive apples ever.

This year it was $11 for a peck of apples at Honey Pot Hills. Did you know that a peck is roughly equal to 10-12 lbs of apples, or about 32 medium apples? Now you know.

I did not bring home that many apples this time. This year I only allowed myself to bring home as many as I will actually eat or cook. Not how many I think would look great artfully strewn about the kitchen a la Martha Stewart.

And a gallon of apple cider. Which according to Ennairda's mom will go "hard" if I leave it out under the porch to ferment. Which I've not yet had success with since I drink it way too fast (in a mug and in the micro for a minute, yum!!).

What makes me laugh is that the orchard grows the apples, and then get people to pay them $$$ to pick them for them!

And then there are the hordes to contend with at the "farmstand", which has now evolved into something more akin to a "farmsupermarket". However, the lure of the caramel apple, now called a carmel apple, or maybe a cider donut, is too great and so into the horde we push.

I mean really, if I went to Star Market and saw bags of apples for sale for $11 I'd be like "Are you sh*tting me!!! Get the f*ck out with those expensive apples!"

I got a brand new boyfriend!

This week was the Steve Holy show at the Brewery Exchange in Lowell, MA. Bless his country-fried heart, he drove 22 hours straight from Nashville, going on stage about an hour late.

And even better there were only like 60 people at the whole show. Making it sort of a serenade, it was very cute. Believe me when I say it was special.

He did a hilarious imitation of Tim McGraw, changing the words "don't take the girl" to "don't shoot the squirrel" and using a cowboy hat to great dramatic effect. And of course waited until the very last minute to sing his hit "Brand New Girlfriend" in order to keep the audience in the building.

What I couldn't figure out though was that seeing as how he went on over an hour late, they had all that time to sort out the sound, yet when Steve went on, his mic didn't work. Curious.

And another thing - the Brewery Exchange is a fab place to see a show. They employ a small army of waitstaff to bring food and drink to you at your seat! So civilized!

Thank you pretty gay man!

Sunday night was the salon night out.

Hey, I am always ready for a good time so of course I went.

Except that I was tired and a little confused and in a hurry as usual. So I threw on some clothes and went to the restaurant where I thought we were meeting at 6.

I show up at 6:20.

But no one was there yet because then I realized that we were supposed to meet at 6:30. I chatted with the host for a minute and then went to go drive around the block a few times because it felt too weird to sit at a completely empty bar and drink alone.

As I was strolling out, a good looking fella in chef whites came running up after me" "Miss? Oh Miss!!"

And I (ever the optimist) turned around with a dazzling smile.

"Miss, you have a bunch of tags hanging off your back. It's like toilet paper on a shoe, it's just wrong not to say anything"

Yep. It was true. Sad.
But true.

Thanks Cap't Kenny

How much does a pirate charge for an ear of corn?










A buccaneer!







aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day, Tuesday must be Talk Like a Pirate Day!

It's true! It's true!

It cost me 15 cents to find out for sure down the Vineyard, but it was worth it.

Tuesday, September 19th is officially
International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhh!!!! Whooo hoo!!!

Check out the official website. They even include a section of pirate pick-up lines, with such gems like "That's quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!"

I think I am going to try that one out at the Steve Holy show on Wednesday night.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrghhhh!!!!!

It's not Comcastic - it's Comcastinks

Can I just tell you that I hate Comcast cable?

It never works properly. The customer service people don't know their ass from their elbow. They usually can't help you over the phone so they have to send out a tech who won't even come by if you don't answer the phone before they show up and when they do are either more helpful than you can imagine, or no help at all.

It Saturday night. I just want to stay in and watch a little tv in my pj's.

How hard could that be?

I am so switching cable providers.

Any suggestions?

2006 Annual Turkey Shoot

A few years back I got obsessed with finding the best tasting turkey EVER since supermarket turkey tastes like chicken to me and you can't eat the neck because of all the hormones and antibiotics they inject via the neck.

I tried them all: brined, kosher, smoked, fried, spatchcocked, flavor-injected, spice-rubbed, cooked at very high heat (hellooo fireman!), cooked in a woodstove, cooked at a low heat, braised, boiled....

Anyway, you get the idea.

Lots of places offered gourmet, organic, free-range, heirloom turkey but I didn't want to pay $5 a pound for something I'd have to mail order anyway.

I found myself turning to GoogleGenie and found the Diemand Farm out in western Massachusetts. And holy crap they have the best turkey I have ever tasted.

Driving out there the first time was an adventure. The farm is out in the back of beyond, in Deliverance country so I kept the car doors locked. But once we got there it was well worth it. Not only do they sell turkey (which needs to be pre-ordered because they process everything by hand - no bleach!) but they have the best devilled eggs and turkey pot pies.

Grandpa, Kimaaaaaay, and I now go each year on what we call "The Turkey Shoot" to pick up Thanksgiving turkeys.

And if you want to order one, and you live in the Boston area, we'll pick yours up too!

Gobble, gobble!

For Sale

OH MY GOD WILL SOMEONE PLEASE BUY THE WHITE NISSAN PICK-UP TRUCK???

It's not that old.
Drives fine.
It's white.
Manual transmission.

C'mon you know you want toooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Just do it.

My Guilty Pleasure

I have a number of guilty pleasures and one among them is the show Bridezillas.

It's a fact that just about all women have a little Bridezilla in them, even if their bridesmaids, sisters, and mothers swear BLIND that their hissy fits are totally justified.

Eh, that's what your friends and family do for you, they lie to make you feel better.
(Although I personally have never had to lie to any of my bride-friends evah, I sweah!)

But there is nothing more car-crash thrilling than watching a grown woman melt down into a puddle of tears, mascara, and f-bombs over a less than perfect corsage for the ring bearer. And their weddings always look SO tacky for all the bitching and moaning that goes on.

Ahhhh, the bleep-bleep-bleeping of a cranked Bridezilla! Certainly scratches that itch anyway.

Patriots 19 - Bills 17

That was a close one.

They were awfully lucky to squeak that one out.

HessFesst Aught-Six

In case you were wondering why there hasn't been a post in four days, it's because I've been away.

At a party called Hess Fest, hosted by Mad Mahk on Maaatha's Vineyahd.

Until the alcohol induced swelling in my cranium goes down, here is the condensed version:

1. I saw my 8th grade English teacher, Mr. Palmer, at the liquor store. I haven't seen him since 8th grade. It was a unique moment really.

2. A baby keg (a keglette really) is called a "gurkle" which is short for "gurkleheimer".

3. Even though it is September, you should still apply SPF liberally when hanging out at the beach.

4. Clamming is really much easier in a bathing suit. Yeah Maaaahk I should have listened to you! But still it was a blast.

5. It's fun to temporarily tattoo little kids with skull and crossed bats logos. No one messes with them at the beach and I am pretty sure no one will be f*cking with them at daycare either.

6. Everyone likes a pirate. Aaaaaaaaahhhhrrrrrrrgggggggg!!!!!!!!!!

7. Drinking beer by lying on a table and having someone hold a beer keg tap open above your mouth seems like good idea for the first 10 seconds or so.

8. Setting up the slip n' slide on the front porch at night is a great way to meet the Oak Bluffs police.

9. Chatting up the nice policewoman while stroking your hairy, sudsy, chest is a great way to get rid of the Oak Bluffs police.

10. A smaller funnel works better than a bigger funnel when constructing a funnelator to launch corn cobs into the trees.

11. When playing Beano, a little more loft and a little less forward is crucial to landing on the board.

12. Next year I absolutely cannot forget the potato gun.

And for those of you who know where a pearl comes from, I will see you on the back porch of the Big House next year. Bring your own hook b*tches!

Arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

$100 million? Check is in the mail!

The John Hancock Tower is for sale.
Hopefully it'll go onto Ebay with a low reserve.

The property package is composed of about 3 million square feet of space - the tower, One Beacon Street, 200 Clarendon, and parking for about 2000 cars.

The tower is about 60 floors tall and boasts amazing city views from, um, about every single window.

Oh yeah - you could totally use the word "stunning" to describe this property.

I know because I am one.

Please, for the love of Tom Brady, PLEASE realtors, salespeople, and brokers:

STOP USING THE FOLLOWING WORD TO DESCRIBE REAL ESTATE:

Stunning

Seriously. It is stunning how annoying that word is!
On craigslist alone there were 319 listings that used that word.

I get it that stunning can be defined as "strikingly beautiful" but that just means that of those 319 ads which use the damn word, 318 of them are using it incorrectly.

Sorry but there is no way that this "brick front home" in Revere is stunning.

W.TF? It's not stunning!


IT'S NOT STUNNING!!!

Bungalow 8 - My Kind of Club

If I were the sort who frequented those kinds of places, I would SO go to Bungalow 8 in New York.

Because they denied Paris Hilton!! Ahhhh hahahahahahah!!!!

Not even being with P.Diddy Doody could help her.

Actually I don't think anything can help Paris.
Or her hatchet-shaped head.

Ick.

She is one mimosa away from turning into Tara Reid.

It's cheap for a reason.

The Fung Wah bus charges $10 bucks to cart yer arse from Boston to New York.

But for $10 bucks there is no guarantee that they will get you there in one piece.

Check it out: Fung Wah Flipparoo!

No wonder they can get you there in about 45 minutes. Turns out they drive about 175 miles per hour, not even slowing down when the engine catches fire or on exit ramps.

Country show round up - yeeee hawwwww!

Ok, so far this year I have been to, and thoroughly enjoyed, the following shows:

George Strait
Tim McGraw & Faith Hill
Kenny Chesney
Toby Keith

I have about 6 friends who like country music and this post is for them.
The rest of you can go back to your Scissor Sisters and your Barry Manilow.

For pure old school the George Strait show was excellent. It was a fairly formulaic show, he had four microphones set up on a square stage and sang a song at each. He wasn't to interested in engaging in small talk with the audience but the performance was solid. For an older fellow he still has that sexy cowboy way about him, and all the older ladies in the crowd went about as wild as they were going to go without actually standing up.

This was the third time I have seen Tim McGraw in concert and everytime it's been with my good friend Kimmaaaaayyyyy. Who practically faints when Tim comes out on stage. So really at this stage I go mostly to splash cold water on her face. The Faith and Tim show was excellent. It was well-scripted and they are clearly made for each other and it was impossible not to leave in a great mood. We were seated so close to the stage it felt like we could reach out and pat the two-eggs-in-a-hankie ass that Tim packs into those tight jeans of his. Heeeee hawwwww!!!!

Easily one of the more fun things I got up to this summer was tailgating at the Kenny Chesney/99.5 WKLB Country Festival at Gillette Stadium. From the girl dancing on top of the truck flashing her hillbilly hooters to the parking lot to Ryan's famous steak tips I had a blast. There were a few acts before big gay Kenny came on, but the only one that was a standout was Big & Rich who electrified the audience as usual. I am waiting for them to do their own tour, that will be quite a show! Sadly they were followed by a lackluster Gretchen Wilson who was the last one before Kenny. He loves performing in Boston and it shows. Not only does he spend time in Boston, but his show brought in $4 million dollars in one day, a record at Gillette. Not even the Rolling Stones hit that high water mark.

And finally Toby Keith. Now that show is ALL rock and country. This show was at the Tweeter Center and I got to enjoy Steve Holy on the second stage (he is a great performer, and will be in Lowell on September 20th). Then we went into the Toby show which kicked off with him firing off a blast from a cannon(?) that shot out Toby-dollars. Scared the crap outta me though. He played all the songs I wanted to hear and then some. He also loves playing New England and we were all sure glad to see him. Too bad about the stupid drunk kids in front of us, one of whom kept awkwardly trying to kiss his buddy before throwing up on the row in front of him. But it was fun to watch.

So cowboys and girls, that's the country concert round up as it stands so far. Hopefully I can get in one or two more before the year is out. Maybe Steve Holy, hopefully Big & Rich....

Like the tee shirt says: sorry cowboy, in my corral, 8 seconds ain't no ride!

5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes and 2 seconds

Until the Pats-Bills game.

Whoo hoo!!

Can you believe it is already September!