The Opposite of Fun

In a couple of days I am heading to Vegas-Baby.

I love Vegas. To me it is like going to Pluto: completely alien from anything in my regular life. So yeah, I am pretty excited and I've been looking up things to do.

It's good to go with a plan to be a diligent tourist with goals of seeing crap, but the reality is that once I get there I am going plunk myself down by the pool (hopefully) with a three foot tall drink.

But back to "The Plan".

So far I have plans to go to In-and-Out Burger. This is the chain where every celebrity in Hollywood gets photographed by US Weekly when they are "eating". If it's good enough to faux-eat, it's good enough for me!

Then I would like to see the Atomic Testing Museum. I dunno why, but I am fascinated by the fact that people had to test a bomb that had the potential to wipe out the entire human race. Not only that but then people went to view this event. Extraordinary! And now here I am going to go to the museum about the bomb they had to test to make sure it really could annihilate everything.

Also I would love to swing by the Bellagio to see the Ansel Adams exhibit. His photography makes me want to live in a cabin in the wilderness. Granted I would last about a day seeing as how I am afraid of wildlife, but whatever.

But then I came across the thrill rides at the Stratosphere.

And that brings me to the title of this post. Those rides look like the OPPOSITE of fun to me.

First of all I don't like thrill rides.

I went out on a bad date this summer that involved a roller coaster and a ride ominously called the Psycho. Let's just say that a) I didn't so much scream like a girl (because, hey, I am one!) but rather like a panicked human screaming for dear life, and b) I spent waaaaay too much time trying to keep my belongings from succumbing to a massive and sudden dose of gravitational pull.

And then when I got off the ride I didn't think "oh how fun" but instead thought "who the f*ck would want to do that again?"

The rides at the Stratosphere are positioned about 900 feet off the ground. So you are lashed about on some metal container suspended over the Vegas strip? Really?

Oh hell no!

But yeah, that's about the gist of it.

To provide a frame of reference here, the Prudential is about 750 feet tall. Just the thought of that makes me a little barfy feeling.

The description for this "attraction" reads in part:

"Insanity-The Ride consists of an arm that extends out 64 feet over the edge of the Tower and will spin passengers at up to three 'G's.' As the ride spins faster and faster, the riders are propelled up to an angle of 70 degrees. Riders will experience the thrill of being flung over the edge of the Tower and literally facing downward at the City of Las Vegas below. The ride is programmable with various ride options. An unobstructed view of historic downtown Las Vegas rewards those riders brave enough to experience three 'G's' at a height of more than 900 feet."

I hope that face shields are provided as protection from the vomit that is sure to be propelled out of people who are suffering through 3 "G's" at a 70 degree angle!


Ugh.