The next time you want to have a demolition derby, rent a U-Haul van.
Turns out that if you crash into a parked car, you will get off scott-free.
That was my experience anyway - some dingaling went crash!bang!allakazaam! into the back The Shampagne Super Nova, taking the rear bumper and the tail light assembly all off.
And then took off.
The police don't do anything except take a report which seemingly goes nowhere and U-Haul was like "eh, we'll look into it and get back to you".
And the two kids driving the van were like "so long suckah!"
And I am left holding the bag, facing a car repair bill that will likely cost more than the car is worth.
Which has me thinking that glueing the bumper back on with a tube of liquid nails is not the worst idea ever.