Let Me Explain One More Time: NO

I've said it before, and I will say it again: I will never, ever run a marathon.

And I am perfectly aware that when statements like that are made, the opposite quite often happens. Like how I said I would never ever quit smoking (I did) and that how I would never ever join a gym (I have), or how I would never learn to swim underwater without plugging my nose (I can).

But I will never, ever run a marathon.

That kind of long distance running makes scrambled eggs out of the brain and a ropey mess out of everything else.

Who else in their right mind would sh*t themselves simply to make a better time?
(It happens WAAAAY more often that just than that one time with Utta Pippig. Gross then, gross now.)

And honestly when I see some of those runners taking these weird rubber legged half run-half walk steps across the finish line I am tempted to immediately call them an ambulance.

Because if it wasn't Patriots Day and they weren't crossing a finish line and they were doing that - I would immediately dial 9-1-1.