It's that time again, that Auld Lang Syne time!

So Resolution time is rolling around again and it is time to start fine tuning my Resolutions for 2008.

A quick recap of 2007's Resolutions:

1. Recycle
2. Compost

I am thrilled to report I've successfully recycled and composted for one year! Whoo hoo!

Truth be told, it's easy and now it's a habit, so - yay Earth! I will just mention that compost needs to be taken out FREQUENTLY otherwise your house will stink like rot. I know this from experience. :(

But the plus side is that my massive composter is halfway to full!

Now it is time to decide the 2008 Resolutions. I have to say that only having two made it easier to stick with. I have lots of ideas, but need to whittle down the list.

Here are a few I am contemplating:

1. Take the New Year's Day plunge into the ocean - this one is good because it's easy, it's one day, and my chances of dying from the shockingly cold water are low. Plus it's once and DONE! Best kind of Resolution out there.

2. Date more - I've been told that I should date more. Dating is a hard one for me - I talk a lot and am completely baffled by those mysterious "Rules" I am supposed to be following. It would be easier to open the lid on the compost bin and find a nice fella sitting right there on a cabbage leaf..... Sigh..... So there's another good Resolution, definitely in the personal challenge category of Resolutions.

3. Delete 38 Special from my playlists. If I hear "Hang On Loosely" ONE.MORE.TIME I will probably die.

4. Do one thing off of Cheap Thrills Rob's Cheap Thrills List every week. Hey, if he is going to put the time and effort into making and emailing the list, then I am going to put it to some good use! Plus anytime I get the chance to see him break out his interpretive dance routines makes it all worth it.

5. Walk more. That would be good in continuing with the whole recycle/compost theme of 2007. I might try to keep a log of how many miles I actually drive in one year, and how many gallons of gas I use up. Hmmmmm. I think that I could do that one actually. I like counting crap like that. I could put it into Excel.....

6. Make more food from scratch. I started doing that back in October and I noticed that I feel well, noticeably, better when I don't eat crap. Which is also true when I exercise. But I hate the "Exercise More" Resolution almost as much as "Hang On Loosely".

Ok well that's the start of them. There are more, only I am tired and going to bed. Too much Christmas food has poisoned my poor little liver I think.

The Christmas Mop Up

I am sorry but there is no way I am going to be able to post anything even remotely of any interest to anyone until at least the weekend.

For the past two days I have eaten myself stupid - I feel a like stuffed turkey. Like a Humturkducken - a human stuffed with a turkey, stuffed with a duck, stuffed with a chicken.

It's gross. All I want to do is take a shower to wash this awful full feeling off me.

And if that's not bad enough I went out to dinner with Metro Matt.

Because, you know, never say die right.

Scarred for life

Thursday was our office Secret Santa swap.

I went into this thing all excited because I drew a great recipient and had fun making up the gift.

I was not expecting to leave the event with bleeding ears.

Let me explain.

There is a person in our office whose views are, well, let's just say I am not even sure that Ultra-Conservatives would have him. This person thinks Democrats are disciples of Osama Bin Laden. That a scorched earth policy in Iraq is being generous. That John McCain is a big pussy.

Oy.

But he is also a nice guy, a family guy who might be in his mid-50's or so, who buys coffee for everyone and who blushes when a pretty lady talks to him and is super formal and polite. (Until, of course, he opens his mouth and all this political scariness falls out)

So of course his Secret Santa bought him the Hillary nutcracker.




Which made everyone laugh.

Until he said: "I think this is what Rush Limbaugh call a 'testicle lock box'"

Um, wait, did he just say "testicle"? At the office Secret Santa swap?

"testicle lock box"? Really?

I mean I know that "testicle" is a technical term, and really it could also be called a "vagina cracker" but guess what, I don't want to hear either of those words at a Secret Santa swap.

Especially from the mouth of this sweet, white haired old gizzard. I mean I knew he has political values that differ from my own. And usually with him I avoid those conversation starters that start with "You know what Howie Carr says..." or "Guess what those stupid Democrats..."

But now whenever he opens his mouth, all I am going to hear is "testicle lock box".

Blurg.

Dudley Square - Winter Morning Walk

Three random pictures from my walk to work.


















Dudley Square has a number of interesting old painted adverts.

It's funny how when I pull out my crappy little camera, people look at me, then look at what I am photographing and then look like "what the f*ck?"

Grrrrrrrrrrrr and a cookie

Ok, so the noisy next door neighbors having partying like it's 1999 ever since exams ended.

Grrrrrrrrr, I think to myself as I burrow a little further under the covers at 4am and jam earplugs in.

At some stage the thought of storming over, kicking the door in, and choking them all with 16oz red cups enters my mind.

But you know, it's cold out n' stuff.

However as mad as I get at 4am, the other day they all shoveled out my neighbor Mrs. T.

Seriously, shoveled up every single flake from her door, to her car (she has a handicap spot) and they did it with the kind of precision reserved for German car manufacturers. Twice.

Warmed the frozen solid cockles of my heart, that did. So now I guess they are going to get a cookie too.

Shoveling unasked counts as holiday cheer in my book. And somewhere out there, the parents of a couple of Northeastern students should be proud.

There's French Toast and There's French Toast

Faithful readers of the 'rag will know that my mom is the original French Toast weather alert system.

Not that I don't LOVE the alert system that I got from Universal Hub (and they rock!) but my mom not only can accurately gauge the severity of any impending "weather event", but she is also actually off the boat from France.

Or as they say in France: "outre du bateau"

Which makes her une vrai french pain grille!

When I talked to Maman earlier she was grumbling about battening down the hatches.

To know what kind of doom that spells out, click HERE. And HERE

If she's battening, we're gonna get walloped with snow. Whoo hoo!!

Check back for updates and school closings. Not.

HOLY CRAP!

That was my immediate reaction when I saw my house tonight.

As some of you might remember some a**hole tagged my house over the weekend.

With really really crappy & unimaginative graffiti.

So I emailed the City of Boston's Graffiti Busters and lo and behold here it is Wednesday and the graffiti is GONE.

HOLY CRAP!

A cookie for YOU!

Yep that's right, a free cookie for you!

A homemade cookie mailed right to you.

But you have to send my neighbor, Mrs. T, a holiday card.

I don't care if you don't send cards, or if you have to use that free Unicef card you get in the mail, or if you send her a postcard - please just send her a little holiday cheer.

Mrs. T doesn't need pity or charity. She's just a super sweet lady who has had a really difficult year.

Her husband died in January - they were married for 5o years, and were childhood sweethearts. She jokes that he flirted with her in the newborn nursery! This will be her first Christmas without him. He used to wash her car every Saturday so it would be gleaming for church on Sunday. And he used to wear these far out 70's style suits to take her out for a drive or to dinner. He was a really cool dude and is missed.

Then her son has some severe mental health issues that are difficult to address. He also misses his dad and I don't think he fully comprehends the loss. Or knows exactly how to process it. And so this year he has had a few unfortunate run-ins with the law as well as a couple of stays in a hospital.

So many things she now has to deal with that Mr. T always dealt with. And has to face a holiday without him. And all sorts of sad things that suck about life.

Please send her a card.

Email me for the address and I will send you one homemade cookie, made with love and gratitude and butter and eggs and everything nice!

To the two people who've already emailed me, yes - you both will also get a cookie.

The Curious Case of Me versus Comcast

As some of you may know I have had some "back and forth" with Comcast. Who I usually refer to as Concrap.

Some time ago they came along and stuck a large, unsightly, cable box onto the side of my house. Too bad for them they didn't ask me first.

But when I first started asking them to take it down they in essence told me to get stuffed.

Ok well whatever. I had cable for a while anyway so I didn't care.

I soon came to the realization that having anything to do with Comcast was going to shave about 6 years off my life. For the most part the cable only worked Tuesday through Thursday and only if the meteorological conditions were exactly perfect. And if you wanted it to work for the weekend you had to physically be in your home when the technician called to say they were en route.

Then they suspended my account because I wouldn't pay an extra $40 in advance - a "service deposit" some dopey customer service rep wanted me to pay.

So I canceled my account.

Because I want to live!!!

Then, with no cable, I got really irritated that there was a big ugly box stuck onto my house. A big ugly COMCAST box, those f*ckers! A constant reminder of a sh*tty experience.

I called them and they were like "yeah ok well whatever, you shouldn't have let us put it up there in the first place". Hah! I was probably AT WORK when they came by, between the hours of 1 and 4.

Out of frustration I emailed both the City and the State cable regulation offices. The State DTC office responded within days.

As did Comcast. They set me up with a Customer Service rep who tried to convince me to leave the box up. First they tried to offer me $1000 to let them park the box there in perpetuity. Ha.

Then they tried to guilt me into it by telling me that if I made them take it off, no one would be able to have cable. Well that wasn't my problem really.

Finally they grudgingly agreed to remove the box.

And what a production that was! But who cares, stupid box is gone. Now the idiots who kept falling of my porch trying to jack cable can go try to sue someone else when they fall on their heads!

However, a lingering scar remains in the brick. Which Comcast filled with what appears to be Vaseline.

I called them back up and asked them to fix it. They came back with some "options" - and asked me if I could meet with them to discuss them. Yeah right - between 1 and 4 on a Tuesday by chance?

Eh, to be fair, they were actually willing to come out on a Saturday. But of course they never got back to me on that.

The "options" I was offer was that they were willing to come and fill the holes in the brickwork with brick colored putty.

Huh. Brick-colored vaseline/putty.

Um no thanks. I explained that what I meant when I asked them to fix it, I meant to fix it to original condition.

A request that was met with an "um" followed by silence. And then I was turned over to the insurance people.

I got a letter today from the insurance company basically telling me that they are going to investigate the circumstances that led to the damage on my house.

This should be fun.

New Poll

And the results of the Spirit polls......

1. & 2. Vodka and Schnapps tied with 5 votes each
3. Christmas Past got 4 votes
4. Holiday spirit got one whole vote.

Which means my 15 readers are a fabulous bunch of drunks (10) who live in the past (4). Sounds just like me!

And one person who was lost in Blogger land.

Keep your bad taste to yourself jerk!

So today I noticed that some ding-dong "tagged" my house.

Twice.

I am pissed because it looks stupid. It doesn't even say anything.

What kind of crappy, juvenile graffiti crap is that? Heck, two search terms on Google and even a bozo can come up with simple graffiti how-to's! Complete with advice on cap types and pointers on dealing with the po-po.

Seriously, if you are going to deface my heap o' bricks, you better whip out something more like this:

Because if you are going to deface my sh*t, I at least want to be impressed.

Merry Christmas Mrs. T

My next door neighbor has had a tough year.

She lost her husband of fifty years (50!) in January. Her son has some severe mental health issues that have him in and out of mediocre care. Her house needs repairs.....

But you know, she is a nice woman with a ready wave and a friendly smile and I think that she would love to get a Christmas card or two.

So if you are of the holiday card sending kind, email me for her address.

Who knows, maybe karma will reward you with a winning lottery ticket.

Seven days into December without a post?!?!?

It's because some demented Christmas elf vomited all over my house.

No. Not really. But it sure as sh*t looks like it.

In some odd moment of Christmas Past dementia I decorated my house with great swaths of greenery, hauled up the fake white Christmas tree from the basement, and dragged out a ridiculously large box of ornaments.

Which is why I haven't been posting lately.

And now I am going to spend the weekend cooking for Christmas!

So if you are looking for me, you will find me over on my other blog: Calamity Shazaam in the Kitchen.

I've fired up the stove and have a little Otis Redding Radio tuning in on Pandora.

See you there!