Friday, April 10, 2009

Hey! You look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?

There are lots of reasons I have fallen on my face with this blog, but it's slowly coming back to me. Here is a list of a few of those reasons, and thank you for your patience.

1. This winter has been too long. That is the last time I will say it. Unless of course we get one.more.snowstorm. at which point I am moving to Key West.

2. I went to France and it was amazing. I want to go back. Oh and I was jetlagged for a WEEK! Encroyable! I've never had jetlag like that before.

3. Last week a defendant was up for probation surrender and rather than take his chances with the judge he bolted from the courtroom and jumped from the second floor landing to the first floor, at least a 15 foot drop. Suffice it to say there was a law-enforcement pigpile on him and boy was he ever pissed.

4. That same day a different guy came into the court with his cellphone and when the guard said "No cellphones" the guy ran INTO the courthouse bathroom. Dumb. Another pigpile on that guy. And watching them try to get him out of the elevator and over to lockup was like watching a couple of lobsters wrestle an octopus. That guy was all over the place. I really think he had eight limbs rather than the standard four.

5. I went out into my back yard to see what was starting to come up (mint, frickin' EVERYWHERE) and I found a dead parakeet. Boo :^(

6. Did I mention the jetlag?

7. A coworker was startled to find another coworkers condom in a desk drawer. Not a private locked desk drawer mind you, a desk drawer that usually contains more run of the mill office supplies. No, it wasn't used, and yes, she gave it back to him. And now I privately refer to him as the Condommint

8. I had to print up a sign for the ladies room to ask that people flush twice when they go poop. True story: I once went into a stall and there at the bottom of the bowl was a little turd with a nut in the center, like an eyeball staring up at me. Funny and freaky. I haven't used that stall since. If it's brown, flush it down - TWICE!

9. It would seem that I am now on the worlds most expensive baby stopper that is not covered by insurance. I told my mother that for that price they should give me a gift certificate for a gigolo. She thought it was a riot and I am still sort of weirded out that I told my mom that. Whoops! It's official. Now everyone knows I am not getting any. *sigh*

10. I've been working and working so by the time I get home, I's tired and want to go to bed. And being tired sort of sucks the fun right out of me.

So there you are. But I will be back. I can just feel it.


Lynn said...

I think that the lobsters and octopus comment is freaking hilarious. (i guess it is funnier since I can actually imagine who you are talking about, but nonetheless, I nearly choked laughing.)

dj jazzy juliana said...

i am realizing that i am on a damn expensive baby stopper too. and i have already got a baby stopper...a toddler...yup nothing happening when baby is up at 5:30 every morning. i think you and I are even in the action jackson category. i need a spring awakening...........lets meet for a cosmo:)

rob v said...


Welcome back, Lili!