Friday, June 17, 2005

Bye bye Top Gun!

Of all the utterly inconsequential news items to hit the wire today was news that Tom Cruise popped the question to his child bride at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Up until this point I have really not given much attention to this relationship because I a) know neither person involved, and b) I don't care.

But now I can not stand the magnificent cheese fest any longer.

Tom Cruise was doing the nasty with Melissa Gilbert (of Little House on the Prairie fame) back in 1982. Katie was 4 at the time.

Then when Mr. Cruise married his first wife, Katie could have served as a flower girl, seeing as how she was nine at the time.

In interviews Miss. Holmes has admitted to having a poster of Mr. Cruise up on her wall as a teenager and wishing she would grow up and marry him.

Does this count as successful stalking?

Does this mean I still have a chance with Duran Duran?

I wonder how Ms. Kidman (38) is going to feel about Katie (26) playing stepmom to their kids.

Furthermore, the word "magnificent" as used by Mr. Cruise to describe Miss. Holmes or their relationship is an inappropriate choice of words. And troublesome, they have been dating for almost two months: neither Miss. Holmes or the Cruise-Holmes relationship is old enough to be "magnificent".

"Mid-life crisis" or "box office draw" would be entirely more appropriate in this situation.

And just so you know, if you Google "tom cruise magnificent" up pop a 168,000 references.

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