How do YOU end a conversation?

Are you ever on a telephone conversation with someone and they end it with "ok, well I have to let you go."

That seriously is irritating. I feel like somehow I am getting fired from the conversation or something. The idea of being "let go" is never a positive one, and even worse when someone basically gives you permission to let your own self go.

If you want off the conversation, put it on yourself.

Also, don't end emails with "Best". It's insincere. Everyone knows you don't really mean it and if in fact you actually DO care, there are much better ways to sign off.

Wow, I am getting cranky and picky in my old age. Ok, well thanks for reading, but I am going to have to let you go now.

Best!

Not quite a Volvo....

This morning I got to drive one of these:

I don't get it about cars - four wheels, goes forward, yah yah yah.

But now I get it about THIS car. It handled beautifully. And now me wanty.

Fortunately my good friend and neighbor owns it and says I can borrow it whenever. Oh why yes, yes I am pretty sure I will.

I think there is another, simpler, word for this.

One reason, among several, why I no longer possess the will to continue the "whole online dating thing" is polyamory.

Poly-huh-wha? you are probably thinking. Yeah, you don't want to know. Oh, well, maybe you do. I wish I didn't.

According to the fount of all knowledge online*, Wikipedia, polyamory is:

the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamory, often abbreviated to poly, is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy. 

Right.

However most people (men, in my case), aren't always upfront about this aspect of their life. Which is totally annoying.

There is nothing weirder in my life than meeting a guy out for a drink who then asks me if I am interested in meeting his wife because they are looking to bring a third person into their relationship.

No thank you.

Because you know what:

A) That sounds a little Big Love-ish to me. And yeah, I know there is a difference between polyamory and polygamy, but when the couple in question is already married.... it gets confusing.

B) No part of my dating profile indicated that I was open to it. In fact I pretty much stated that I am monogamous, completely & all the time. I am half Old World French which means that it is a given that should I stab you in a jealous rage over another woman, it's nothing more than a crime of passion and really, those cannot be helped sometimes. Eh, tant pis.

C) It has never not sounded creepy to me when a guy tells me what his wife/partner is looking for, from me. Well, how about you re-read B.

Let me just say one thing here: I don't care who and how many people you are in a non-monogamous intimate relationship with, it just isn't happening with me. But if that is your thing, good luck.

Also I think that most poly folk are not looking online for another partner, it's just that the internet has sort of morphed into this weird online candy store of relationships. Maybe it was always like that. But stuff that normally people wouldn't do in real life, they will try out online. That would explain avatars I guess.

So I am giving the online thing a rest. I am done with Mr. Goodbar looking for Almond Joy. My and my, uh, Peanut Butter Cups are going to give it a try out in the non-online world.

Wish me luck.


Oh and if all the poly, married, engaged, involved, etc, folk could somehow mark themselves with a big X for my reference, that would be GREAT. Thanks!**



*Sarcasm
**Also sarcasm

Brushing my teeth & thinking...

This morning my thought process jumped on the Facebook-Reunion-Sex-Childbirth train.

I realize that this will immediately get some people thinking that I've got a big "Whoopsie! :)" revelation coming, but I don't.

Let me explain.

I was invited (sort of) via Facebook to a reunion.

Which got me thinking about reunions and how there is much about those years I would like to forget.

But also how I sort of half imagine what a good reunion would be like: it would be awesome and we'd all magically be 20 years younger (looking at least, please!).

Which got me thinking that imagining things being magically better is a bit like anticipating having sex with someone for the first time (yours, theirs, as a couple, whatever), how it never is as awesome as you imagine it will be that first go around.

Still confused? Yeah me too. Morning was a long time ago. Where was I going with this....

I guess it's just that most people imagine that things were better than they really were, even if the reality is: school sucked, sex is ALWAYS awkward the first time with a new partner, and from what I've heard, childbirth is f*cking painful.

I suppose that the point I was brushing my teeth toward is that memory glosses sh*t over, or forgets it entirely, out of necessity. It has to so that people will continue to enroll their kids in school, so that you have sex with a person until you figure it out how to make it awesome, and so once the baby pops out your brain washes itself clean with a tidal wave of endorphins (or something) so you forget you just pushed a watermelon through your nostril and consequently do it again.

And then it occurred to me that the best thing about being an adult (aside from eating Lucky Charms anytime I please) is that I don't care anymore about the people who were a**holes to me in school, even better I don't have to go to a reunion where my childish insecurities could show up like a poop in a punch bowl, and not only are the worst years behind me, but my grown-up life is pretty terrific because it is my own.

That, and I am now free to tell people to f*ck the f*ck off if I want and no one can call my folks and get me trouble. Yes!

Being an adult ROCKS! Although I am still not convinced that that was my original point this morning....

Should have held on a little longer.

You know how Yankees are, keeping everything just in case - bits of string, squares of flattened foil, bread bags....

Well, these folks should have kept this.... :

Taken on March 11, 2011 - 64 days after Epiphany

.... in case they need to shovel out a space after this:

Click Here for the full story

All I can say is that I for one would fricking LOVE a snow day.

And then immediately after that Spring.  A hot and lovely spring!

Not to belabor the point, but...

I sold the Champagne Supernova for $400.

Bye Bye Flapjack!

Oh yeah.

Which is even MORE oh yeah when you factor in the fact that 4 (maybe 5) years ago I paid $500 for it.

Now I am car-less and could careless. I have Zipcar and honestly there really isn't too many places I go in a week that I can't walk/T to.

Holla!

Anyone else watch 'Modern Family'?

Because that show is f*cking FUNNY.

I nearly choked when Claire's dad said to her, after this incident at the mall,

abc.com

"You know, when you get a massage you sound like a Tijuana prostitute."


HA! Ahahahahahaahahah!

If you haven't seen this particular episode, you should. You really should.

Just tell me the letters.

I realize that in the pantheon of annoyances, this is probably one of the lesser irritants, however it makes me bananas when someone spells out their name thusly:

"'S' as in Sam, 'H' as in hello, 'A' as in apple, 'M' as in marshmallow, 'R' as in rutabaga, 'A' as in apricot, 'G' as in garbage pail".

That totally flummoxes me as the listener. And when I ask for the letters only please, my request seems to then flummox the speller-outer.

I mean, I get it about how 't' and 'c' can be confused, or 't', 'c', and 'd'. But really, if you feel obligated to say "geeeee as in gasoline" it just sound complicated.

Ok. I am done.

For now.

Not to put Elmo out of a job or anything....

I love Facebook. I am nosy (oh so he went to Vegas with her?) and petty (yep, that mean girl from HS got FAT!) and self-centered (someone un-friended me? what the f*ck? F*ck you anyway!) and I find that FB is often an outlet for the mostly unspoken vulgarities that I prefer to think don't exist in my delicate psyche. We surf, we judge, we hope people notice our status updates.


And now, annoyingly, Facebook is used as a "tool for social change". Don't get me wrong, it's great to have a portal to a world where you can probably connect with people who make you feel less on your own, who can provide an alternate view of life which might be helpful when you live somewhere without a lot of freedom.

I just get annoyed by the appeals to be a "good citizen", namely to "Save Public Television". Currently the US budget is being pruned by the newly elected, wielding flamethrowers. It's not a fun debate to get into, but it does make a person think. Or take the easy way out and "Like" a cause that all your friends "Like" and thereby absolving yourself of any real effort. Click, click, done!

At first glance I was all about keeping funding for public television. I love, love, LOVE public television. However when I stopped to think about it, and read up about it, I realized that I am not entirely against cutting funding for public television. Public television doesn't stay on the air because of government funding, and it won't go off the air without it. It just means that the appeals season will run even longer and people will have to step up to the plate and donate a little more. Like me.

If I want to enjoy the programming, I am just going to have to start paying for it, like everything else in life. As I said, television is a luxury. You don't need Elmo to entertain your kids, you need a book and a smidgen of imagination.

And though I am a fan of NASCAR, I cannot understand why they are keeping the funding for the Army car. That is also a luxury. I am sure there is a missile maker or a helmet manufacturer who would gladly pay to sponsor the Army car.

Cut those funds and give them to Planned Parenthood. FYI Planned Parenthood isn't just an abortion factory as some might want to think. It's a resource for family planning - PLANNING! People plan trips, dates, directions, meals, weddings, parties, all kinds of things, so it seems a bit ridiculous to not have some sort of plan to have a family or not.

I tell you what, everyone who uses birth control or some other form of baby-stopper (or anyone who has sex with someone while using some form of protection either against babies OR disease) ought to give up sex for a month in protest.

Ok, fine, a week.

A day?

I guarantee you that all those folks who are so afraid of Planned Parenthood would quickly change their tune.

Hmmm, let me go put THAT on FB.

For Sale: One giant heap o'metal.

I am getting  rid of the Champagne Supernova.

Last fall it died on me and I figured I could fix it myself. I am all about looking sh*t up online for answers to stuff like: Why won't my car start? What is that thing growing on my lip? Who was that guy in that movie?

Seriously, Google is the answer (and then some) to all my questions.

Well anyway, according to the internet, the problem with my car was that it need a new fuel pump relay. So I felt around inside the car near where the 'net told me it was and yanked out what I thought was said relay.

In retrospect I am beginning to think that what I actually extracted was the overdrive relay.

Whoops.Oh well. Glad I am not a doctor or a dentist!

And now I am just bored of playing at GoogleMechanic and even more annoyed at having to pay excise tax, registration fees, insurance, and eventually for another inspection sticker, which probably would have taken another cash outlay to get it to even pass. And now I just want it gone.

So I put the car for sale on Craigslist, which basically read: Car for Sale, doesn't run, won't even turn over - don't know why, I am not a mechanic, good for parts - especially the brand new bumper, not too rusty, new tires and e-brake. $500 or best offer.

I figured I would leave it up for a week, and then if nothing happened I would donate it. 

Rather than offers I got about a million questions: does it leak fluids, how much rust does it have, how many miles since the last oil chance, how many owners, where was it manufactured, can you post a picture of the undercarriage, do you smoke, is it pet-free?

You get the idea.

I realize that it's just people being curious, but honestly it's a cheap-ass car that needs work and a tow. And I find it highly amusing that a few people will email me more than once, indignant that I haven't responded to their request for a photo of the tailpipe, or with the name of my mechanic, or some other random question.

Oh, hello, it's Craigslist. Not PoliteandConsideratelist.

And it's not just me. Potential buyers have been promising to come by since Thursday and not one has shown up as agreed. That's just how these things work. I have one last potential buyer coming Monday and if they don't show up, I am giving it to WGBH.

So there.

Smell ya later!

I can't be funny in two places at once and I like to eat. So the food blog wins.

Find me over full time at Calamity Shazaam in the Kitchen for now.

I swear it will be just as good. And slightly more tasty.

Winter Night Sky

Do you think we should introduce them to space saving?

Over in Ireland it seems that they've been having about the same weather we've been having here in Boston -- cold and snow.

I am pretty familiar with things Irish and I am fairly certain a cold and snowy winter is not the norm.

Then I read this article on the Irish Times website:


Clearly snow is not a weather event the Irish government has planned for.

In Boston you are born with the knowledge that if you don't shovel your front walk the city will fine you. But you are also born with the knowledge that you can "save" your freshly dug out parking spot with whatever household item you like.

It used to be for the entire winter practically, until the city finally had to step in and actually say you could only "save" the aforementioned parking spot for 48 hours after the snowfall ended.

It goes a little something like this:


And for anyone who says "that won't happen here", I say just give it time.

Ohhh oh oh oh oh...

The Evil Twin and I were at Hi-Fi pizza the other day and I saw this sign taped to the wall:


And while I am not entirely sure what this "rehab" is exactly...:

I think I want to go.

It's a learned behaviour...

I don't want to be the a**hole who is always bitching and pissing about spelling and grammar errors, but it's the little things in life that I am privileged to sweat about I guess.

And to be honest I don't always catch grammar errors because I am crap at grammar. There is no way I could tell you the difference between a participle and a preposition. True story.

Also, I know lots of words but haven't a clue how to use them appropriately.

But spelling mistakes nag me like a fat popcorn kernel stuck between two back teeth.

For example: using "peaked" for "piqued". If you tell me that I have sparked some curiosity in you, then I have piqued your interest, not peaked. And before anyone gets mad that I am bringing the whip down, my philosophy is if you can't use the right word, phrase it differently. See sentence two of this very paragraph.

This is what piqued my interest in this topic so early on a Sunday:


Now that is just wrong. The spelling part.

One last weekend.

Last weekend I went to KooKooKoosh Kamp one last time.


As the house is being removed from the property, the contents also had to go. So I went back to get a couple of things.

Luckily for me a few friends came along. And how did I reward them? With a 6 mile hike in Jamaica State Park! Yeah! How awesome is that?!!

To Hamilton Falls no less.

Which starts off at a reasonable grade - flat - for nearly two miles:


Along the West River, which was extra high due to it being Dam Release weekend and was full of kayakers.

Oh and I also figured out where Tic Tacs come from:

(Tic Tacs plant: last of the season)

We jaunted along until we came to the bit where the sign says "Hamilton Falls" and an arrow points upward into the sky.

Should have paid attention to that part really.

Because the path literally veers off at a steep angle for a mile upward. Something like this:

Woof.

This trail nearly killed me. True story.

I'd hike and hike and hike, then rest a second to re-inflate the lungs. Then look up and realize that there was a sh*tload of trail to go. All up fricking hill.

Frick!

However this is what awaits you at the top of the trail:

And since I was over-heating at that point I went in, followed by the two lads I was with:

Let me just tell you: THE WATER WAS COLD.

It was so cold that the minute I got in, every single tiny cell and fiber of my being shut down and all I could think about was OUT.

GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT NOW!!!

Yeah. That kind of cold.

After I got out and brought my core temp back to normal, I actually felt refreshed enough to tackle the trek back. And then we headed back to the camp for the night and grilled a couple of steaks on the woodstove.

The next day was all about a big camp breakfast and packing. It was sad. I don't want to think about it. But fortunately I was with some really fantastic people who made the whole thing 100% easier.

Before we left I took a photo of the yard:


And of the big tree in the yard:


Because it is the tall silent sentry that always made me so reassured about staying in the little house in the woods.

There is something magical the way the clearing where the house sat was surrounded by tall, swaying pines. Sometimes the entire clearing would be covered in great drifts of sparkling white snow and though the other trees would be bare and the bright moonlight would reflect off the crystallized snow and highlight the massive pines, gently waving in the wind.

I am truly grateful to at least have had the opportunity to enjoy the camp.

TGIED!

Thank Gawd It's Election Day!!!

Hopefully this means that the days of coming home to an answering machine full of vote requests are behind me.

Yesterday I had 18 messages waiting for me. Deletedeletedelete.

And through the night, another 7 calls.


Too bad I got a call from each candidate because my original plan was to NOT vote for the candidates who called.

But on the upside, I LOVE to vote. Seriously. It is my favorite civic duty.

Maybe it was all the rain...

Apparently the bumper acorn crop this season means it is going to be a really tough winter this year.

According to Deb G anyway.
(via Universal Hub)

She points out that the last big ass acorn crop was in 1995-6. See diagram below:


All I can say to that is: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu*k

Not as smart, but still not dumb.

Trivia at Trident Cafe on Friday night was a sh*t show for Team SmartiePants.

The place was jam-packed with freshly arrived students so we snagged a table off to the side. We were followed by a group of 10, who were promptly turned away.

Everyone wanted in. Although I don't know why. The trivia is hard and weird and obscure and the first prize is a $35 gift certificate, the other two prizes are a DVD and a book. How would you split that 10 ways? That's barely a small latte per person.

Anyway, we gave it our best shot and fell on our faces. And the last round was this really long spelling bee. I misspelled "abscission". Can you f*cking believe it? I missed an "s". And don't feel so smug. You would have missed one too.

Oh well, I give it until November when classes really start slowing people down. That's when you can expect the next Team SmartiePants triumph. Until then I am sticking to Scrabble.

What a year.

I am pretty much already done with 2009. Yep. I am starting 2010 a little early.

For starters, I am surprised that there are any celebrities left alive in this year o'death. Do you think that this is God's way of saying "sort out health care RIGHT FRICKING NOW before I kill them all off!"?

Because I am willing to wait on resolving healthcare until the Death-a-Thon catches up with the Olsen twins.

I'm just saying.

And if I never hear the word "Recession" or a tip about living frugally again, I'll be happy. There is a reason the word "recession" exists and it is directly related to the fact that it can't always be a boom or a plateau. So deal.

If you want to complain about something, complain about the new look of Boston.com or about the fact that digital tv stinks.

Have you seen the new Boston.com website? First of all, this box:

annoys me. Surely the webmasters over there can at least set the list up to rotate through town names. And when you click on the the red arrow next to "Your Town" it brings you to this box:

Apparently the Globe/Boston.com is only read by people in those 12 towns. No wonder they are hemorrhaging money. People in those communities have mortgages to pay and Prius payments to make. They read Boston.com for free, they aren't going to pay for a $40 a month Globe delivery. And once Boston.com becomes a pay site, they aren't going to read it at all.

And after the lame "Your Town" box is the lame news area:

This is another section that needs to be refreshed with frequency. There are some days when I check this section in the morning, and then again in the afternoon, and nothing will have changed.

Ugh. Lame.

Oh and about the digital tv business. Well let's see. It doesn't work properly when it rains, is windy, a helicopter flies over, someone sneezes....

Totally annoying and a good as any reason to keep my Netflix account.