Pattycake, Pattycake, Bake me a cake.... or a cookie....

Do you know how to turn on your oven?

Yes? Great!

Now go over to Calamity Shazaam in the Kitchen and sign up for Operation Baking GALS Round Five with Team Calamity Shazaam.

Thank you!!!!

WTFF - What The F*ck Friday.

I sat out the shopping frenzy that has come to dominate the day after Thanksgiving, as I pretty much always do.

Apparently I, along with a few other people, were the only ones who did.

You know what? That sh*t is INSANE. I was reading about the shopping insanity out there today and all I can say is that I hope never to be a part of that. Just reading about it gave me the shivers.

It was so out of control that an employee at WalMart was trampled to death. Trampled to death by deranged shoppers who couldn't wait to charge up a storm. Unbelievable.

And from all accounts, folks are going crazy to buy flat screen tvs. So I guess this depressions breadline is going to be a flat screen tv line.

What a difference an editor makes.

From Boston.com:


From The New York Times:


Don't get me wrong, I think that what happened to Haleigh Poutre is horrific. However I just think that terrorist attacks in India are more relevant.

Oh well. The Boston Globe is pretty biased when it comes to which events they turn into a media circus. So I suppose that if these attacks had happened in a more culturally similar country, the front page of Boston.com would look more like the front page of NYTimes.com.

My heart goes out to all the people in India, and around the world, who are directly affected by this event. Terrorists suck. Acts of terror that tear apart the tissues of society take ages to repair, and then even then never really heal. Because it is really hard to forget something like that.

Which makes me even more thankful this year for the things I hold most important in my life.

I just have to say...

To the person who screwed over my sister, let me just remind you that karma is a bitch.

I understand that you have a complicated relationship with your father, that every boyfriend you've had in the past few years has rightly decided that you are a nutter and dumped your sorry ass/called the police on you, and that you've had difficulty keeping the past three jobs - I get it that you have "issues". However that did not give you a free pass to f*ck over my sister.

You stink. You stink like a bag of piss.

The right thing to do would have been to tell her that you were working with someone else and to take her to a nice dinner and say thank you for your help.

But you did the wrong thing. Which frankly doesn't surprise anyone. Because you seem to excel at doing the wrong thing every single time.

Good luck to you. As I mentioned, karma is a bitch. Or perhaps, who needs karma when they have the life you live.

I am glad I am not making car payments right now

Because I would be PISSED if I was paying for the lifestyles of the rich and clueless. Who just want to be richer and dumber.

Today it was the Big Three from Detroit who went to Capitol Hill to demand an automotive bailout.

Give me a break! It's like that story about the Emperor with no clothes on. Someone needs to point out that the lumbering old automotive behemoth is nekkid.

Why on earth should taxpayers be required to bailout the auto industry? An industry that behaves very much like a churlish old uncle that no one can remember whose side he's from and who drinks too much at family functions and tells off-color jokes that insult everyone in a two foot radius. I mean really. Throw us a bone or an electric car for the masses at least!

It's surreal.

As for me, I am going to stick to buying junkers off of Craigslist. I've had pretty good luck. And at least I won't be giving any money to any company who says this, in response to inquiries about traveling via private jet to ask for a bailout:

"Making a big to-do about this when issues vital to the jobs of millions of Americans are being discussed in Washington is diverting attention away from a critical debate that will determine the future health of the auto industry and the American economy," GM spokesman Tom Wilkinson.

Dear Mr. Tom Wilkinson, you are very bad at your job. The only person worse at their job was Marie Antoinette. She also goaded the masses, and look what happened to her. Chop! Chop!

Here's a tip, and it's a freebie, flying about the country on private jets is a great way to generate plenty of free bad publicity at the very moment when you ought to be making every attempt at genuflection, no matter how insincere.

Even I know that.

This is why I luuuurve the NYT

They use word like "Calamity" and "Fancy Pants" on the front page.

10 Bonus points for you if you can answer this one....

So in case you've been wondering where I've been on recent Friday nights, I've been playing Trivial Pursuit at the Trident Bookseller & Cafe.

And guess what? Team Smartie Pants is on fire!

At first ShiftyMike and I had a go at trivia because I kept winning at Scrabble and I honestly felt badly about not being able to at least throw one game. ShiftyMike is an awfully good sport about it though.

The first time we went we won, much to our complete amazement. We really were not expecting that one at all.

Since then we've been on a winning streak. It's pretty ridiculous, especially when you consider the questions are hard. Which is a nice change.

SO the bonus question last night was: On the television series KnightRider, what was the name of KITT's nemesis?

And don't be the a**hole who Googles it ok. You either know it or you don't. And yeah, you probably don't.

And the answer is not F.O.R.D. - Found On Road Dead.

Trivia is every Friday night at 8 and is hosted by the dry and charming Max Power. It's free and you are not required to order anything, but you might as well. You will know who I am because I am the one who says "holy crap we were right?!" after every correct answer.

See you there!

Dial 'S' for.....

Shut the f*ck up!

Is the Boston Globe kidding with the article about people who are ashamed of their cellphone?

Possibly my favorite bit is this quote :

"You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of phone they carry," says image consultant Doris Klietmann. "If you have someone with a BlackBerry, you can usually assume they're educated and they either earn a good salary or they have an important job that requires them to be in constant communication. You can also assume that someone with a 16-gigabyte iPhone also makes a decent amount of money and is someone who always has to have the newest thing. People who have these phones are conscious of things like fashion designers and like to stay on top of trends."

Hmmm oh really? And I thought when one "assumed" it made an "ass" out of "u" and "me".

I have never assumed anything about someone based on their goddamn cellphone. Admittedly I have judged some people as colossal twats for carrying on loud conversation in publics, usually about nothing interesting whatsoever. But not because of the phone they were hollering into.
Can you hear me now? How about now? And now?

Plus who cares how much money you earn, probably you're just going to pay for it on your credit card anyway. When I see the a big fancy expensive house I don't think "educated" or important job", instead I think "adjustable rate mortgage" and "short sale". Hey, images can be deceiving.

And anyway a Blackberry looks like a calculator. Or a remote control. No matter what anyone says. Sorry.

My second favorite quote is this:

"A lot of gadgets these days have become more of a style or status symbol," said Steve Kidera of the CEA. "Look at TVs. It used to be that people would hide them in the armoires. But now they're prominently displayed like art."

Ok, if you display a tv like art, you are an idiot. And you don't know what art is. Not that I know what art is either, but I know that you know it when you see it and a tv doesn't count.

At any rate, after I finished the article, I really was thinking that it was meant to be submitted to the Onion. Or published on April Fool's Day.

Oh, that's my calculator ringing. Gotta run and tot up some sums! Bye!

Sign o' the Times

First of all this sign has been hanging there for at least 6 months.


And secondly, I am thinking the errors in spelling are directly related to the fact that it hasn't opened yet.

It's a sport bar that serves coktails and also offers causal dining.

Yipes.

LiquorLand Wine Tasting

I think that LiquorLand has become quite the hipster place since its relocation to Mass Ave. It's the the trucker cap circa sometime late 1990's/early 2000's.*

It's still gungy enough for the wino's to feel at home, and hip enough to carry locally distilled spirits.

And one more reason to love them is that they are having a holiday wine tasting, and at first I was sort of annoyed at the holiday theme, until I realized that it is more of a Thanksgiving holiday promotion!

Yay, Thanksgiving does come first!

I plan to go with La Maman, which I think is probably the hip thing to do. Right?


*Let me just point out that I am not hip in anyway and have never understood the trucker cap popularity. I have always thought they made the wearer look dorky. And perhaps that is the point and it's meant to be hipster and ironical, but as a big dork myself, I don't know why anyone would try to be dorky. So when I say late 1990's/early 2000's, it is just a guess.

Tisn't the season, not yet!!

Ugh.

It's around 60F here in the town of the Bean, for some weird reason all the leaves are simultaneously turning red and flame and yellow and flying off the branches, and I am gearing up for Thanksgiving, while my neighbors are grilling in shorts & flip flops.

The most recent light frost was a few weeks back, and already I am sick of C-mas.

Every third tv ad is C-mas related, and two local radio stations are playing "holiday favorites". And Infinti cars are running ads trying to persuade people to give the gift of a luxury vehicle.

Are they for F*CKING REAL????

Who in the advertising department at Infiniti truly thinks that anyone watching local broadcasting is going to give a fancy car as a C-mas gift this year, of all years? Do they honestly have no idea what has been going on in the real world lately?

Bozos.

It's putting me off the holiday altogether.

But I am still excite about Thanksgiving! Whoo hoo! And today I listened to Alice's Restaurant and that improved my mood considerably.

Thanksgiving Comes First

Last year Jim over at Suldog wrote about how Thanksgiving comes first and how any retailer who starts ramming C-mas down our throats before Thanksgiving ought to be boycotted.

I wholeheartedly agree. If I could agree more than wholeheartedly I would. Wholebodily? Yeah, wholebodily.

Why does this bother me so much, especially as I am not even a Christian? Well technically I am, but uh, that's a technicality. I was baptized in the church and at that time the only protest options available were to pee on the reverend, or to cry at the top of my lungs. I probably did both.

I hate it because it's a brazen push for retailers to squeeze yet more money out of a mostly financially strapped country - shoddily dressing it up in a cheap veneer of goodwill toward all. I hate it because it's a false hustle, trying to rush people through life. Life is so short as it is, what on earth are we racing to the finish for? The finish line is death! Boo!

I want to be here today, for every hour of it. I am grateful for my tomorrows no matter how crappy my today is. One day, followed by the next, not skipping through the days, leapfrogging from one holiday to the next, as if individual days are of no importance.

I look forward to Thanksgiving because it's a marker, tangible proof that we are together as a family, that we have our health, and a bountiful table. Our wants are few, our needs are met. Our lives are very, very, good. I know this is true daily, but it's nice to celebrate that once a year, like a birthday. But I am still glad for Tuesdays, and Sundays, and all the other days of the year.

Lately I've noticed a couple of C-mas ads on the teeeeeeeeeev. Notably:

- Walmart
- KMart (it's possible I am thinking of Walmart...)
- Hallmark Shops
- Blue Man Group

And those retailers are going on the boycott list. Also on the list is anyone who promotes gift giving at Thanksgiving.

Because THANKSGIVING COMES FIRST!

I voted!

I got to the polling station a little after 7am and the line was out the door, and just down Northampton Street to Shawmut Ave.

By the time I had parked and walked down, the line was around the corner and I managed to get in line at Shawmut and Comet Place.


Within about 20 minutes of getting in line, the line stretched to Mass Ave. And from all accounts the line pretty much remained the same all day. Front to back that's just about 3/4 of a mile.

From Comet Place to the ballot desk took about an hour and fifty minutes. Then another 10 or so minutes to complete the ballot and then turn it in. Just around 9am I was heading out the door, excited to have cast my vote.

It was a long wait mainly because there were only 12 voting stations. And also because the group ahead of me started of as two women, but apparently they were holding places for their friends because as we started to inch forward, more people joined their group. Sort of obnoxious behavior but one woman in the group would fart every time she sneezed and I thought that was hilarious. However other folks in the line did take them to task for basically being line cutters.

I have to say that this is the first time that I have ever felt that something extraordinary is about to happen and that it is the result of the will of the people.