Monday, October 30, 2006

Football Round-Up (yeah, NOT soccer)

Of course the Pats top the AFC East.
They had no difficulty quashing the Vikings who are currently at the bottom of the NFC North.

The Pats still face two tough games against the Colts (7-0) and then the Bears (7-0), but the Colts narrowly beat the Broncos yesterday and the game is at Gillette so that bodes well for the Pats.

AFC East Top: New England Patriots (of course!)
AFC West Bottom: The Miami Dolphins (1-6) and the Buffalo Bills (2-5) compete for the bottom of the AFC East. The Bills have the second lowest cumulative score (102) so far this season, just a few points over the Buccaneers (88) who are resting comfortably at the bottom of the NFC South.

AFC North Top: Baltimore Ravens (5-2)
AFC Bottom: Cleveland Browns (2-5) The Pittsburgh Steelers are not having a great season either considering they are last year's Superbowl winners.

AFC South Top: Indianapolis Colts
AFC South Bottom: Tennessee Titans (2-5) lost their first five games of the season, securing the bottom spot of the AFC South. Not only that but bookmakers are putting their Superbowl odds at 1000 to 1. Ouch.

AFC West Top: Denver Broncos (6-1)
AFC West Bottom: Oakland Raiders (2-5)

NFC East Top: New York Giants (5-2)
NFC East Bottom: Washington Redskins (2-5) Take THAT face-flicking fan!

NFC North Top: Chicago Bears
NFC North Bottom: Minnesota Vikings

NFC South Top: Atlanta Falcons (5-2) Southern teams with bird names seem to do pretty well this season...
NFC South Bottom: Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-5) What's with Florida this year?

NFC West Top: Seattle Seahawks (4-3)
NFC West Bottom: Arizona Cardinals (1-7) Hmmm, this team does nothing for me at all. I don't even care that they suck right now.

Until next week.... GO PATS!

The ESPN Halloween Derby.

Oh my gosh.

Go Steve Young GO!

By the way, do they really need so many commentators during sports games?
I dowdit!

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Hippo Birdie Two Ewes

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

Only 9 more years to 100!
Don't quit now!

Ooops I did it again!

Yep - I bought another fish.

This is going to end up like the whole bird feeding incident.

But those little betta fishes sure are pretty and resilient!

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Snoop Dogg Arrested for Possession

Ok, I will admit when I first heard about that I was like "Shut the f*ck up".

Snoop Dogg smokes weed?

Get OUT!

When isn't he stoned is more to the point really...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis?

It has come to my attention that lo and behold, actors and assorted other famous people are hypocrites. GOD, how dare they!

Yes, it is a fact - Ed Begley Jr. has NO real effect on anyone in Hollywood.

J. Lo might drive a Prius (yeah right whatever, she drives a Bentley) but when she flies, she flies in a private jet. Same for George Clooney, Julia Roberts, and Brangelina.

If they think that by driving a Prius or Tango or GranolaBar they are somehow negating the pollution effect of flying, well then they might as well start walking everywhere.


And if you don't believe me, you can read all about it HERE.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Patriots 28, Bills 6

The Bills suffer from the Curse of the Bledsoe-Parcells tag team.
Really, they had no chance against the Pats.

So far this season the Bills have only beat Miami and Minnesota.
My grandpa could beat Miami and probably Minnesota.

The only win for Miami was over Tennessee.
Tennessee only had one win so far this season, over Washington.

So today's game for the Pats coming off a bye week was more like a warm-up exercise.
Not that they need it for next weeks game against Minnesota, but it will get them ready for the following week against the Colts.

A fish in the 'hood.

I don't know what possessed me, but I bought a Siamese Fighting fish this weekend.

Some of you out there may remember my previous experiences with keeping fish. It was that time when I thought I could maintain a goldfish.

The first one I got was Biscuit who died the night I brought her home. Then I got Hitler (he had a little Hitler moustache) and HE didn't last the night either.

So I gave up on goldfish because it started to freak me out - all that death and flushing.

Well now I went and got myself a very dark blue fish with a few dark red markings. Very fierce looking fish, fits right into the 'hood.

Plus he likes watching tv with me. I was watching the Pats game today and I look over to the fish and he is watching the game intently. Not only that but when the Pats scored a touchdown he swam around giddy like a schoolgirl. GO PATS!

However I cannot for the LIFE of me thinik of a suitably fierce name for the little bugger.

Any suggestions?

Friday, October 20, 2006

Boston Driving Blues

I can't be the only one who thinks that the Southeast Expressway turned into on majorly sh*tty clusterf*ck.


Back in the day it used to suck from about 7 am until about 9am and then from about 4pm to about 6pm.

Now it is bumpah-t'-bumpah from about 6:30am until about 10pm.

And good luck if you want to get on or off anywhere close-ish to Mass Ave.

The Mass Ave exit is usually backed up to the Southampton Street exit and never mind trying to get on from Mass Ave. The three light sets that regulate the on and off ramps are now regulated by State Troopers who may be great at busting meth rings but who SUCK at regulating the flow of traffic.

And then there is the machine that "zips" the HOV lane open and closed. This thing really f*cks up traffic. "Royally" as my dad might say.

Let me tell you why.

Heading due south on the Expressway from Mass Ave to about the Savin Hill bridge there are four lanes of traffic.

When you get to Savin Hill you start to see big yellow flashing arrows that tell you to get over. That the left lane is CLOSED.

Which is confusing to about 87% of all drivers because there are arrows in TWO lanes.

So does that mean that the 2 left lanes are closed? Which is what most people seem to think anyway because suddenly everyone tries to get into the 2 right lanes.

And no sooner do you sort out which lane you want to be in the big Zipper Mobile is coming at you.

That's when people really go "WHAT THE F*CK!"

Because it is truly disorienting to see a big thing coming at you in what is normally the highspeed lane.

I dunno. I give all this about 5 more years until some politician decides to do something.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Dude, Smell This.

I know that I have commented to people before about this but truly this is one bit of human behavior that always ALWAYS baffles and amuses me.

Why is it that when someone smells or tastes something bad they will almost always turn to the person next to them and say:

Does this taste/smell bad to you?

Why? Why?

Monday, October 16, 2006

Roller Boogie

If you don't go and shake yer roller shake-shake-baby on Wednesday night at Chez Vous, then it will be closed and GONE FOREVER!!!!!

How could you live with yourself!!!!!!


Remember Spin Off!!
Long Live Chez Vous!

Shalom in the Home?

I kind of thought it was a VH-1 joke, this "Shalom in the Home" business.

But no, it is an actual reality show on TLC. As if Nanny 911 and Wife Swap weren't bad enough... puhleez...

Shalom seemingly plans to have Rabbi Shmuley Boteach cover topics from teen sex to adultery to divorce. Which sort of sounds like a logical flow to me. And a little bit like Montel, or Maury, or Oprah really.

But it does make me wonder what they will think of for Muslim families.
Maybe "The Imam vs. My Mom" or "Making it Halal with Rachael Ray"


Ma'a salama y'all!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

A pie in your eye!

Okay okay, I will own up to watching most of the "Welcome Back Kotter" marathon that was on this weekend.

And so now I am obsessed with the seventies-style insult like "Up your nose with a rubber hose" and the friendlier "Not so far with a chocolate bar!"

I mean c'mon, rhyming insults just take it to a MUCH better place.

Next time some mofo cuts you off at the rotary, don't flip the bird.
Instead try a rhyming insult.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Craigslist - Internet Heroin

Ok, there is something highly addictive about Craigslist.

And sometimes it really just boils down to a Craplist.

With the following crap available:
(please note, accurate spelling is not a requirement for posting)

**Rod Iron Coat Rack** - I suspect this is really wrought iron...

The Holy Sh*t I want THAT car - car

Chair for Archie Bunker - literally. Their words, not mine. Funny post though.

Welcome Back Kottah!!!

Ohmigod there is a Welcome Back Kotter Marathon on tomorrow night!!!!

I used to LOVE Welcome Back Kotter! (reruns yo!)

I STILL love Welcome Back Kotter!! (reruns yo!)

Back in the day the insults ran along the lines of "In your socks with a pound of lox!" and "Yer outta place potato face!" and the hair ran to afro.

Did you know that Horshack is 59?

Wellllllllcome back, welcome back, welcome back!!!!!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Cross Cultural Eating

Lately I have been spending time with a few people of the Muslim variety. And right now it is Ramadan which means no eating during daylight hours.

To be nice, I tried to fast for one day and barely made it to 1pm. Being Muslim at Ramadan would definitely suck for me.

So instead I've had the chance to break the fast with them.

The first challenge is to find a restaurant that serves halal meat.

The first time we all went out together was to Schwarma King and the chicken kebob was delicious. And everyone eats with their fingers which MUCH harder to do than you think.

Trust me, this is not like when you were three. If you are not good at it, you end up slobbing all over yourself.

Also, I am learning to like bubble tea. You know, that milky drink with "fish eyes" in it.

Gross AND addictive.

I got a rose flower milk tea with boba which reminded me of a dessert experience I had with my evil twin. However instead of tapioca balls to contend with, we were confronted with vermicelli. But that is another story.

Anyway, I am enjoying my eating time with my Muslim peeps and can't wait until after Eid so we can go for a diner breakfast my way. With forks and everything!

Because eggs benedict are friggin' hard to eat with your fingers.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Why I want to be a cowboy.

Because I watched Silverado.

One of those movies that I always watch when it comes on.

Now I want to move out west.

Heeeeeeeee hawwwww!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Bring peanuts and a lawn chair.

Every week Cheap Thrills Rob sends out a list of stuff to do in the Boston area for under $10.

This is the only email that I really want to get and I get cranky when it's late. Sorry CTR, I can't help it, I just get a little bit cranky.

Now I notice stuff to do for under $10. Like watching the police process a crime scene. That's free. And interesting.

Last night there were two shootings: one in front of my house and one a street over. They had the big crime scene truck out, and one car had a great big bullet hole in the driver side door, and there were great ropes of yellow police tape garlands festooning the trees..

Like I said, watching the police process the crime scene was pretty interesting, and free!

Check out the Boston Police Department News for high crime areas and remember to bring your own lawn chair and refreshments. Oh yeah, and probably a bulletproof vest would be a good idea too.

See you there!

Strawberry Flavored

I love anything strawberry flavored.

And I am pretty sure that it is because anything strawberry flavored is also going to be pink, which happens to be my favorite color.


Monday, October 09, 2006

AC/DC does NOT rock Grandpa.

However he does rock in his own way to Mahler n'schtuff.

Yesterday to get him in the football spirit I made him listen to AC/DC's "For Those About to Rock (We Salute You)".

Since we'd already had a field trip to Gillette Stadium in September, I wanted to convey how hair-raising it is to hear that song when you walk into the stadium. You really just want to start yelling.He gamely bobbed his head and pumped his fist a bit.

And I think he got it.
Though I think he would prefer "Night on Bald Mountain".

Well anyway, we then had a great breakfast at Doyles (blueberry pancakes!) and when I called him later he was watching the game all on his own.

So I guess AC/DC goes get him a little psyched for football.

Time to christen the baby.

I really can't call this car the Son of SatanMobile.

It hasn't yet given me the kind of grief the original SatanMobile did.
And this car has air conditioning. AIR CONDITIONING!

It's a Christmas miracle!
In fact I am almost afraid to even use it, in case I use it all up before next summer.

Anyway, so now I need to come up with a new name for the beast.

My first Volvo was a medium blue '88 240 station wagon known as the "Breakfast Bus" because it was usually used to take like 11 people to, well, breakfast. Sometimes it was referred to as the "Blue Bomber" because she handled so well on the highway.

Then came the dark blue '91 240 station wagon known as the "SatanMobile" because of the constant heat and the fact that it had a devious mind.

So now I have the champagne '93 240 sedan that is temporarily known as the "Son of SatanMobile" but that doesn't feel right because she handles so sweetly.

Some of the names so far have been:

- Champagne SuperNova
- Flapjack (smaller than a pancake, it's a reference to the Breakfast Bus)
- Shortstack (see above)
- Ginger (Ginger is the name of the very nice lady at the auto parts shop where I had to buy some new fuses today. Older and sweet, just like Son of SatanMobile)

I am open to suggestions.

PS: How ghettowhitetrashsoccermom am I going to look when I put SatanMobile up on blocks and strip him for parts! I am now a two Volvo household! Giddyap mo-fo!

Pats 20 - Dolphins 10

Since I was out buying Son of SatanMobile, I had to listen to this game on the radio.

Next week is the Pat bye week... **sob**
I guess it can't be Christmas every week.

They are back on the 22nd at Buffalo.

And fortunately the Eagles beat the Cowboys. I can't STAND Parcells and Bledsoe.

Apparently neither can T.O. for whom RELIEF is spelled O-V-E-R-D-O-S-E.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Son of SatanMobile

Ok, so I really did consider buying a completely brand new car.

But then where's the fun in that?

So first let me introduce the original SatanMobile:


And now please welcome the Son of the SatanMobile!

Saturday, October 07, 2006


I don't know why I like football.

It's like pistachio ice cream. For a long time I really didn't think I would like it, but you know, it's actually pretty tasty.

So now I have a person staying with me who watches all football all the time, including the show about the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. So of course I am absorbing a whole lot of football, expecially college ball.

Today we watched the Michigan(31) v. Michigan State(13) game as well as the Texas(28) vs. Oklahoma(10).

Tomorrow is the Pats vs. Dolphins at 1pm and the Dallas vs. Philadelphia game at 4:15pm.


I am actually looking forward to it!

And if I could just get the announcers to howl "Touchdooowwwwwwnnnnn" the same way the Spanish soccer announcers say "gooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal" my life would be perfect

Friday, October 06, 2006

Well I guess I will have to get another Volvo

Thanks to Johnny K who sent me this link: CLICK HERE

It would seem that Volvo makes the best shaggin' wagon.
Way to go SatanMobile - Numbah One!

I coulda told you that! *wink*wink*

Everyone knows that if the wagon's a-rockin', don't come a'knockin'!

And oh yeah - FYI Evil Twin, the Faux-koos is number 10. Ha ha!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Hop-Head sparrows are back.

I thought I would re-introduce birdseed and suet block to the neighborhood crackbirds.

It was gone in about 45 minutes.

And now it seems there is a baby possum living under my deck.


In case you are new to the 'rag, you can follow the saga of the crack-sparrows here (Birds on Crack) and here (Birdgirl of the Ghetto)

PS: This is what a possum looks like.
My neighbor tells me they taste like squirrel.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Last hurrah for the SatanMobile

I took the SatanMobile to see Dr. T today.

I am devastated to report that the condition is terminal.

It is unlikely that the Satanmobile will pass inspection next month unless I put about a thousand bucks into it.

Which doesn't make much sense considering the car is 15 years old, cost me a grand to begin with, and is rusting to sh*t.

But I am wicked sad. I love the old beast.

I am going to miss the clatter and the heat and old man/gingerbread/apple pie/chipmunk smell.

So if you want one last ride in the Blue Bomber, you better get it now.

Holy Crap - I AM a monkey!

I was just going through a back log of emails and came across this link sent to me by my evil twin.


Seriously, you won't be able to help yourself.
And I cannot be held responsible.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Stranger than fiction.

What you don't see in this photo is about five feet of wing, among other stuff.

This is the damage caused by a mid-air collision with a jet liner in Brazil that sent the larger craft plummeting to earth, killing all 155 passengers.

It is an extraordinary and extraordinarily frightening story that is recounted by a freelance journalist at the New York Times who happened to be on the smaller jet.

You can, and ought, to read the article HERE.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Pats 38 - Bengals 13

I will say that I had my hesitations about this game.

No matter what Marting may say, I did not doubt the superior ability of the Patriots.

I was just concerned.

As for the ghost of Deion Branch. well let me just say that now he is the Seahawks problem. And good riddance I say, seeing as how the Bears are currently 28 points up on the Seahawks.


Back in the day there was only break dancing...

I got sucked in to watching "Breakin' vs. Krumpin" and all I can say is I am shedding tears of frustration that I was born with two left flippers instead of feet.

Check it out:

High seas joke of the day.

So a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel jammed down his trousers.

The bartender says "Hey matey, do you know you've got a steering wheel in your pants?"

The pirate replies "Aye, I do! It's drivin' me nuts!"