Monday, February 28, 2005

If you can't live on 100K, I'll take it.

Wah wah wah. $100,000 isn't what it used to be.

According to this hilarious Nyuk Times article, $100K is so low brow that even the harmless $100,000 candy bar has now become the 100 GRAND candy bar.

I don't live in New York, I live in Boston. Everyone tells me how expensive Boston is and quite honestly it seems preferable to be poor and only making $100K in New York than to be poor and only making $100K in Boston, but poor in this case is relative.

Really, really, relative.

I don't make anything close to $100K and if any of my friends do they are hiding it well indeed. But if Patricia Belden is to be believed, then I am practically a pauper.

"When Patricia Belden, a 39-year-old developer of affordable housing in Boston, was a student at Cornell University in the mid-80's, she dreamed of a six-figure income. "I would be satisfied with the life that would buy," she recalled thinking. Ms. Belden passed that milestone and is not complaining. But when she and her husband, a violin maker, recently shopped for a home in Boston for themselves and their newborn son, they settled for a loft in the city's trendy South End.

Sounds chic, Ms. Belden allowed, except the family has subdivided a space the size of a large studio into a three-bedroom apartment, what she calls "a ranch house in the sky."

The couple's big extravagance was a permanent parking space for $20,000. "My father told me, 'Honey, don't worry, we paid $20,000 for our first parking space,' " Ms. Belden said. "But it came with a house and a garage."

You don't "settle" for a loft in the city, you "choose" to live in a trendy area. And quite frankly Ms. Belden should be embarassed to "allow" that it sounds chic. It is chic. The South End has become the most obnoxiously self-absorbed neighborhood in all of Boston. Honestly, who on earth needs a million dollar floor through apartment, or for that matter a Land Rover in the city. Please.

It's ridiculous enough that Ms. Belden is an affordable housing planner who split up the space the "size of a large studio" into a three bedroom apartment, but I want to know where she got a parking space for $20K. I think that it was probably closer to $40K.

I wonder if Ms. Belden knows that a few blocks over on the wrong side of Mass Ave she could get a whole house for half what she paid for her ranch in the sky. I bet her $100,00o would go twice as far.

So if there is anyone out there reading this who has a hundred grand they can't live on, please, send it my way and I can show you how to make it last for at least three and a half years.

Friday, February 25, 2005

J'adore ces politiciens crétins!

I am glad to see that every country in the entire world has their share of Tycoesque politicians.

From the New York Times:

"Paris, Feb. 26 - Finance Minister Hervé Gaymard resigned today after 12 weeks on the job following revelations that he and his family were renting an $18,470-a-month luxury apartment in Paris paid for by the state.

"I am aware of having committed blunders and in the first place a serious error of judgment concerning the condition of my official residence," Mr. Gaymard said in a statement, reiterating his pledge to pay back the government for renovations and other costs."

Hmm, he is "aware of having committed blunders".

Please note that he's been on the job for only 12 weeks and has already accrued costs for renovations.


"Mr. Gaymard, 44, and his wife, Clara, 45, France's ambassador-at-large to attract foreign investment, broke no laws in choosing a 6,500-square-foot duplex apartment close to the Elyseé Palace that would accommodate them and their eight children."

So that's 10 people at 6,500 sf gives each of them 650 sf of personal space. Well that's like a reasonable studio apartment per person practically. Sheesh...

Pity the poor Interior Minister who lives with his family (5 total) in a mere 2,100 sf. That's a cramped 420 sf per person.

Even the foreign Minister gets 430 sf per person for his family of five.

Oddly enough though the French take the defense of La Republique very seriously, as the Defense Minister is given a whopping 750 sf in which to splash out in.

However the Times does report that "she spends a considerable amount of time with a companion at his country house in Rueil Malmaison outside of Paris."

Putain! She gets to eat her cake and keeps one in the city too!

Oh mon dieu it gets better.

"In addition to the high rent, there was an additional $3,300 a month for maintenance and three parking spaces, $42,000 to renovate the apartment and the parking area and $16,000 for real estate fees."

But remember $42,000 bucks is only like €31,000 and in France that probably only gets you paint chips.

But then in a more worrisome statement, considering that he is the Finance Minister:

"Earlier, he had said that as someone who worked "120 hours a week," he hadn't had the time to check on the amount of the rent for the apartment."

Smells like merde to moi. First of all, you work in FRANCE! Those 120 hour weeks are compensated by like 17 weeks of vacation. And second of all what Finance Minister doesn't read the fine print? I mean c'mon really!


But just in case you feel a twinge of pity for the poor fella and his Partridge Family, keep this in mind:

"Paris is suffering from a severe housing shortage amid skyrocketing prices for both renters and buyers. The cost of the apartment is the equivalent of the annual minimum wage for a worker in France."

Not just that but:

"It turns out that Mr. Gaymard owns a 2,150-square-foot apartment on Boulevard St.-Michel in the heart of the Latin Quarter that he rents out for $3,000 a month."

I say, let them all squeeze in to that wee matchbox.

Customer Funny Ha Ha

I sweahtegad his last name is Shatraw.

I laughed so hard, I nearly sharted myself

Dood - your last name is probably the Saxon word for diarrhea.
No kidding.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Lucky Hurley's Smubble Word of the Day is:

Shart - an involuntary sphincter spasm that results in an unfortunate burst of fecal discharge into ones underpants. Usually occurs while trying to expel a regular fart. Often accompanied by a foul odor.

Screw you all, I'm suin'!

In a recent Boston Globe article, it was reported that Dr. Yousef Abou-Allaban, chairman of the board of the Islamic Society of Boston, filed a defamation suit against the local television station WFXT-TV. It would seem that an expose type piece was aired back in November '04 alleging that Dr. Abou-Allaban is linked to Al Qaeda via the Muslim Brotherhood, of which he is supposed to have been a member. I must have been asleep.


Are you kidding me?

Evidently the "investigative jwonolist" Michael Beaudet is named in the suit, which right there has me rolling my eyes. No offense to Mr. Beaudet, who seems like someone I'd love to chat up in a bar, but really - have you ever seen his "blow the lid off" pieces: he "blows the lid off" dating service scams, he sets his sights on state workers misbehavin'. Well anyway - never mind the quality of his reporting, consider the source - Fox 25. Duh. All news is baloney. It just depends on how it is served up to the masses. Some people believe what they read in the NYT because it is "seewious jwonolism". Some people believe what they read in the Boston Herald because they can read it on the T. Some people read the Weekly World News which is one damn funny read. But honestly, Fox News... like I said, you pick your news sources like you pick your nose - completely consciously.

Back to my point.

The good Dr.'s lawyer is seemingly encouraged by the jury that made the Boston Herald fork over $2 million smackeroos to a judge who was reportedly "too lenient". I guess he wasn't being so. But then again the man was a state judge and the Boston Herald alleged that he told a 14 year old rape victim to "get over it". Who wants to sit next to you at Thanksgiving after that? I guess a pair of millions redeems a few episodes of alleged verbal-rhea.

How ever the clincher can be found in the last two paragraphs of the article:

"In his suit, Abou-Allaban acknowledged that the Islamic Society of Boston's $22 million project to build a mosque and a cultural center "has generated some controversy." Last year, the organization made headlines when a group known as Citizens for Peace and Tolerance accused it of having connections to extremists. The group also faced accusations of anti-Semitism when it was found that a former director and current trustee had written articles that, among other things, called Jews the "murderers of prophets."

Officials at the center have formed a new board of directors, begun an outreach effort to other community and religious groups, and disavowed the writings that generated the charges of anti-Semitism. In December, the organization announced that it would carefully monitor teachers at the new center to ensure that extremism and bigotry was not being taught or preached there. "

You know what I think, I think the Jews should sue. I think that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I think that I should sue Al Jazeera for alleging that I am an infidel.

You know what else I think, I live right near the new mosque and I only just saw it the other day. So much for their outreach program.

Must be because I am Episcopalian.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Off Topic: Thongs aka G-Strings aka Bum Floss

Whoever designed thongs/g-strings/bum floss where the thong/string/floss part was constructed with beads/sequins/edging is an idiot who does NOT want to see someone sporting a thong/g-string/bum flosser.

Caution: The product you are about to enjoy may cause "jammy ring"

Self Help Bad, Harvard Good.

"The magazine includes a monthly self-help column by Dr. Beck, who has a doctorate from Harvard."
-- from the NYT article: A Mormon Daughter's Book Stirs a Storm by Edward Wyatt 2/24/05

So basically it is unfortunate that she has a monthly self help column in Oprahs magazine, but hey it's ok because Dr. Beck has a doctorate from Haah-vaahd.

Faaack yooo!

Buh Bye Asshat and Huggy Bear

Thanks for the endless supply of beah and rounds of Smubble.

Lucky thanks you, I thank you, and Hollywood Liquors will miss you most of all.

Once again: I'm with asshat.

Who forgot their stupid foreign ID for the second time and finally had to kick in the precious twenty that cost him so dearly the previous time?


Next time, just pay up bro!

Lucky Hurley's Smubble Word of the Day:

Jammy Ring: a particularly violent form of rashy ring that is characterized by an inflammation of small angry red pustules that form a yellow crust of pus before subsiding into a bumpy scarred mass. Often a symptom of turbo clap.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Nasty Pass

Cet village de N'est Pas, c'est un petit village en France.

No smut today.

Well not yet so far.

Let me pull a letter out of the silver bag and pour a little beah onto my brain.

Check back with me in about four hours.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Within the next dec-aade

we will put a man on the moooooooon.

Pick Up Line #4

There's a pretty lady..... hmmmm...
Let me wash my hands.

"I had to bury a festering cows stomach up in the woods, can I buy you a beah? No? Ok..."

Oooh, deres anodder one.....

"I just lit a deer carcass on fyeah, can I buy you a beah?"

Never fellate a pool cue

when a shark is trying for the corner pocket...

The asshat is with me.

Listen "Trixie" : If you can't afford to pay me twenty bucks to get your stupid fuckin' foreign ID back, know that I am going to embarass you in front of the bouncer...

This asshat is with me!

Cuán no Recoger a Mujeres Yer pues,

Usted ha sido ojo BALLIN' mí toda la noche.
¿ (Tengo?)
¿Yo le compro una bebida?
(Pues no)
Usted ha sido ojo BALLIN' mí toda la noche.
¿ (Tengo?)
¿Yo le compro una bebida?
(Pues no)
Usted ha sido ojo BALLIN' mí toda la noche.
¿ (Tengo?)
¿Yo le compro una bebida?
(Pues no)
Usted ha sido ojo BALLIN' mí toda la noche.
¿ (Tengo?)
¿Yo le compro una bebida?
(Pues no)
Usted ha sido ojo BALLIN' mí toda la noche.
¿ (Tengo?)
¿Yo le compro una bebida?
(pues no - JODE LEJOS)

How Not to Pick Up Women

Yer um, you've been eye BALLIN' me all night.
(I have?)
C'n I buy you a drink?
(um no)
Yer um, you've been eye BALLIN' me all night.
(I have?)
C'n I buy you a drink?
(um no)
Yer um, you've been eye BALLIN' me all night.
(I have?)
C'n I buy you a drink?
(um no)
Yer um, you've been eye BALLIN' me all night.
(I have?)
C'n I buy you a drink?
(um no)
Yer um, you've been eye BALLIN' me all night.
(I have?)
C'n I buy you a drink?
(um no)
Yer um, you've been eye BALLIN' me all night.
(I have?)
C'n I buy you a drink?
(um no - FUCK OFF)

Pick Up Line #3

C'mon baby, my mom is waiting outside.

Pick Up Line #2

I am a bad boy.

I am from Five Boro, and I am a bad boy.


Like Michael Jackson.

Let me rub my balls on your leg. But first I have to move my wallet to my back pocket.

Pick Up Line #1






Lucky Hurley's Smubble Word of the Day is:

turbo clap: a rampant form of gonorrhea, characterized by acute purulent discharge